Deceitful Intentions (update)


Book Cover



    Core Theme












    Original story is already on Taleflicks. This is an update

    Target Audiences

    Age: 18-34,35-54

    Target Gender: Female Leaning



    Based on a True Story


    Publishing Details

    Status: No

    Starting Description

    Lead character, Raven Redman and her mother are in a car accident and the mother dies. Raven survives but loses her memory and her right leg and moves back to her home town to find out what really caused the accident that killed her mother.

    Ending Description

    Raven is confronted by Muriel, the killer, and saves her own life.

    Group Specific

    Information not completed

    Hard Copy Available



    Information not completed

    Mature Audience Themes

    Information not completed

    Plot - Other Elements

    Happy Ending

    Plot - Premise

    Overcoming Monster/Villain

    Main Character Details

    Name: Raven Redman

    Age: 24

    Gender: Female

    Role: Protagonist

    Key Traits: Charming,Confident,Decisive

    Additional Character Details

    Name: Julia Jackson

    Age: 24

    Gender: Female

    Role: Sidekick

    Key Traits: Badass,Funny,Empathetic,Engaging,Selfless

    Additional Character Details

    Name: Muriel Manfred

    Age: late fifties

    Gender: Female

    Role: antagonist

    Key Traits: Villainous,Desperate,Manipulative,Unapologetic

    Additional Character Details

    Name: Chief Manfred

    Age: fifties

    Gender: Male

    Role: protagonist

    Key Traits: Confident,Engaging,Blunt,Masculine,Leader,Honorable




    After a horrible accident claims the life of her mother, RAVEN wakes up with amnesia two years later. She tries to resume her life with the help of best friend, JULIA. But as her memories come back, she begins to suspect that her mother is the victim of foul play and works to catch her murderer before it’s too late.

    Overall Rating


    Point of View


    Narrative Elements

    Authors Writing Style: FAIR

    Characterization: FAIR

    Commerciality: FAIR

    Franchise Potential: FAIR

    Pace: FAIR

    Premise: FAIR

    Structure: FAIR

    Theme: FAIR

    Accuracy of Book Profile

    It is accurate.

    Draw of Story

    The story starts in the heart of the action, which helps to engage us with Raven right away. We watch alongside her as her mother perishes, which allows us to access some of her more complex emotions throughout the story. From there, we meet Raven again in the hospital, with the same questions that the character has herself. This gives us a great access point, an interesting perch, and endears us to her before the mystery takes off.

    Possible Drawbacks

    The story moves quickly, without much room to process things like grief, suspicion, and character relationships. For instance, Raven bonds with Julia faster than she might naturally. And she doesn’t quite have the time to process her feelings for Paul before the high-stakes mystery takes over. At just over 100 pages, there is certainly room to expand on these emotions, and the allow the scenes to breathe enough for the audience to stay engaged. Getting into the characters’ heads more is probably a good place to start.

    Use of Special Effects


    Primary Hook of Story

    The mystery is set up for us right away, and we have the same goal as Raven: discover the truth about what happened to Alice. In that way, it follows the same story structure as successful adaptations, like GONE GIRL.

    Fanbase Potential

    A story like this would likely appeal to fans of female-driven thrillers, like GONE GIRL or THE WOMAN IN CABIN 10. Because it follows the same structure of successful stories of the thriller genre, it’s relatively safe to assume that an adaptation could have global appeal. In terms of a rating, the violence from the accident alone would likely warrant a ‘R.’

    Awards Potential

    Thrillers like this don’t usually get Above the Line Awards recognition, but that’s not to say that there isn’t potential Below the Line. For instance, cinematography – specifically striking the right aesthetic tone -could make it a contender.

    Envisioned Budget


    Similar Films/TV Series


    What’s New About the Story

    The story gives us a single perspective, which allows us access into the protagonist’s complex range of emotions. It also deals with memory loss, which gives us a fish out of water trope that we might not otherwise have. That said, to make it more unique may mean going deeper into the character’s head, especially when it comes to processing her complex emotions. For instance, how does she feel when she first sees Paul again? Even though they’re broken up, does she find him handsome? Does a part of her miss him in a way that the audience might be able to relate to?

    Lead Characters

    Raven is strong-willed, and determined, even when faced with a world that she hasn’t been a part of in several years. It endears us to her, and makes her easy to root for throughout the story. Julia is also endearing, and compliments Raven well on the page. Where Raven is careful with her words, Julia isn’t afraid to speak her mind. The duo works well together, which helps us engage with them and their overall quest for answers.

    Uniqueness of Story

    Although the story has the potential to be great, it doesn't feel like a rare gem quite yet. It moves extremely quickly, which doesn't give the reader enough of a chance to feel the intended emotions as the mystery unravels. It also lacks strong character development outside of Raven and Julia, so it doesn't allow us to feel the strong feelings for, say, Paul that the story relies on in order to come to a satisfying conclusion.

    Possible Formats

    Film: Studio, Indie, Streaming TV Series: Limited Run / Mini-Series

    Analyst Recommendation



    Generally, the story feels like an outline, instead of a fully fleshed out, meaty story. The characters feel a bit one-dimensional and surface level, which makes them sometimes hard to engage with outside of basic sympathy. And the dialogue falls a bit flat, which makes it tough to buy into at certain points.

    Tips for Improvement

    Fully fleshing out each scene, and figuring out the emotions of a character at any given time would be a great place to start. It would allow us to more fully engage with the story, and Raven's quest for answers. Tweaking the dialogue so it feels more natural might make the story flow more smoothly, and allow us to engage with the characters a bit more. And dialing up the intense emotions at pivotal points could help increase the tension that we feel as the mystery unravels. But that said, the basics are here. The genre is a popular one, so this feels like something worth continuing to pursue. Keep at it, and best of luck!


    After a horrible accident claims the life of her mother, RAVEN wakes up with amnesia two years later. She tries to resume her life with the help of best friend, JULIA. But as her memories come back, she begins to suspect that her mother is the victim of foul play and works to catch her murderer before it’s too late.

    What We Liked

    DECEITFUL INTENTIONS follows the same story structure as the popular thrillers, like WOMAN IN THE WINDOW or GONE GIRL. It follows a single character as she navigates a new world that doesn’t feel quite right to her. She follows her instincts and it leads her down a road of deceit and danger that’s tough to look away from, even if the story itself isn’t as fleshed as it perhaps needs to be.

    Film: The story centers around a single mystery and follows the lead as she follows her instinct to prove that not everything is as it seems. It follows a similar structure as others of its kind, although it doesn’t always feel quite as meaty or dark.

    TV: Given that the story centers around a single mystery that gets solved at the end, this story is probably best suited for a limited series. In that format, it has enough of a hook to sustain several episodes as the protagonist works to figure out the truth about her past, as well as assimilate into her new normal.

    Key points:
    Popular genre
    Potential for diversity
    Hints of romance
    Deals with complex emotions


    RAVEN is in a violent car accident with her mother, ALICE. She awakens in the hospital one year later, with one of her legs amputated. Her DOCTOR refuses to answer any questions about the accident and puts her into a medically-induced coma. After another year, Raven is taken out of the coma, is given a prosthetic leg and learns that she is strong enough to resume her life.

    Raven takes the long drive back to her hometown. To help jog her memory, she looks at her high school yearbook. She finds a picture of her with her arm around PAUL MANFRED and wonders who it is. She finds another picture of her with JULIA JACKSON.
    MURIEL MANFRED arrives at the house to greet Julia. Raven asks her to see the media coverage from the accident and she returns with it later.

    Julia arrives and tries to catch Raven up to speed. Raven believes that Muriel Manfred and her husband, the police chief, are bad people. Julia begins taking Raven to places that she believes will jog her memory. At the local diner, they meet MARYANN PERKINS, and Raven learns that she’s with Paul. Julia fills in the blanks and tells Raven that Paul broke up with Julia when she decided to go to college, and began seeing Maryann soon after. After lunch, Julia takes Raven to the local high school. There, she has her first memory: of her mother telling her that she needs to have her oil changed before taking Raven back to school, and of her mother telling her that she made a doctor’s appointment to see about some stomach pain.

    Back at home, Raven is visited by CHIEF MANFRED. He delivers several accident reports for Raven to look over. She notices that the mechanic who did the inspection after the accident was HENRY DUNLAP. Dunlap maintains that he’s never done an oil change on Alice’s car, but Raven begins to suspect that he’s lying.

    Raven checks her mother’s calendar and verifies the oil change and a doctor’s appointment.

    Julia takes Raven to see Alice’s doctor, only to learn that DOCTOR KIM doesn’t know what was wrong with Alice’s stomach. From there, they visit the medical examiner. But Raven learns that the autopsy is sealed, and she needs permission from Chief Manfred to access it. Raven decides that she wants to talk to Dunlap again. They arrive at the shop and find an active crime scene. Dunlap was a victim of a hit and run in the shop’s parking lot.

    Paul pulls Raven aside and apologizes for their past. He tells her that, before the accident, his father was having an affair with Alice. Muriel knew about it, and threatened divorce. Once Alice died, the Manfred’s tried to put the affair behind them.
    Julia teaches Raven to drive again. They run into Paul, and Julia begins to believe that he’s still in love with Raven. They visit Chief Manfred for permission to see the autopsy report, and find him in his office with Muriel. He gives permission, and Raven asks to talk to him in private. Muriel excuses herself to go bake muffins.

    Chief Manfred confirms his affair with Alice, and tells Raven that he was in love with her. She tries to convince him to look further into Dunlap’s lies, but he refuses. At home, Raven finds Alice’s diary, and learns that she intended to marry Chief Manfred. Julia accompanies her to the medical examiners to go over the autopsy report. Raven begins to suspect that her mother was poisoned. Raven arrives home to find a basket of Muriel’s muffins waiting for her.

    Raven brings one of the muffins to Chief Manfred and asks him to test it for poison. Meanwhile, he gets word that Henry Dunlap was about to go bankrupt when a mysterious customer paid to save his shop. At home, Chief Manfred notices a dent in Muriel’s bumper. Soon after, he learns that there is arsenic in the muffin. Paul calls to warn Raven, just as Muriel shows up at the house. She pulls a gun on Raven and tries to force her to eat the muffin. Julia rings the bell, and breaks into the house just as Muriel is about to pull the trigger. She tackles her, and Raven grabs the gun and shoots Muriel in the thigh. Paul arrives with backup and Muriel tries to pull the trigger on herself. Paul is able to stop her, only to realize that she ingested the arsenic herself. She dies on the living room floor. Paul and Raven reconcile, while Muriel’s body is taken away.

    About The Author

    Carlo Armenise has been writing for several years including short stories, screenplays and television episodes across different genres ranging from horror to comedy. Writing has always been Carlo’s passion.