How I Lost My Mind and Found Myself

David Z Rabadi

Book Cover

GENRE

MEMOIR LGBT

    Core Theme

    THE STRUGGLE OF A CLOSETED GAY MAN TO COME OUT AND BE ACCEPTED BY HIS STRICT CONSERVATIVE FAMILY.

    TIME PERIOD

    Contemporary

    COMPARABLE TITLES

    TRANSPARENT, POSE, TALES OF CITY.

    CHARACTER LIST

    DAVID, 20S-30S. THE SON OF FIRST-GENERATION JORDANIAN IMMIGRANTS WHO IS ALSO GAY, A DOUBLE WHAMMY WHEN IT COMES TO FEELING LIKE AN OUTSIDER.

    DAVID'S MOTHER, JORDANIAN, 40S-50S. KIND, GENTLE AND CARING, SHE IS SUPPORTIVE OF DAVID BUT TORN BETWEEN HIM AND HER STRICT CONSERVATIVE HUSBAND.

    DAVID'S FATHER, JORDANIAN, 50S-60S. VERY STRICT MAN WHO SEES HOMOSEXUALITY AS IMMORAL AND SHAMEFUL.

    EDDIE, CAUCASIAN, 30S. A HOT, HIP NYC DJ WHOM DAVID HAS A MASSIVE CRUSH ON.

    JOHN, 30S. DAVID'S BROTHER WHO IS THE MOST SUPPORTIVE ONE IN THE FAMILY.

    Logline

    How I Lost My Mind and Found Myself is a story about a man's experience with self acceptance as he identifies as gay and over comes mental illness.

    Target Audiences

    Age: 18-34,35-54,55+

    Target Gender: LGBT Leaning,Male Leaning,Female Leaning,Universal

    Setting

    New York

    Based on a True Story

    Yes

    Publishing Details

    Status: Yes: with a Publisher

    Publisher: Austin Macauley

    Year Published: 2020

    Starting Description

    The beginning of the story talks about David's life as a young boy and the trauma he has experienced . He opens up about his Arab culture. The pressures he faced from society, family and religion. He takes you on a journey with how he handled living a double life and looking for success.

    Ending Description

    In the end David finds self acceptance, support and love from family and friends. He becomes and inspiration for gay Arabs and other LGBTQ people to live their truth and fights the stigma of mental illness as he is an example of someone with mental illness living a productive life.

    Group Specific

    mental health community, GLBTQ community

    Hard Copy Available

    Yes

    ISBN

    ISBN 9781641824477

    Mature Audience Themes

    Sexual Abuse,Nudity, Language/Profanity

    Plot - Other Elements

    Happy Ending,Meaningful Message,Coming of Age

    Plot - Premise

    Internal Journey/Rebirth

    Main Character Details

    Name: David Rabadi

    Age: 36

    Gender: Male

    Role: Mentor

    Key Traits: Charming,Complex,Confident,Crazy,Faithful,Heroic,Honorable,Leader,Sexy,Blunt,Funny,Sarcastic,Strong Moral Code,Sophisticated,Unapologetic

    Additional Character Details

    The author has not yet written this

    Additional Character Details

    The author has not yet written this

    Additional Character Details

    The author has not yet written this

    Genre

    DRAMA, LGBT

    Brief

    David Rabadi is the son of first-generation Jordanian immigrants. In their culture, homosexuality is frowned upon and even punishable by prison or death. David struggles to grow up in this environment and endures a mental breakdown in his 20s. He is diagnosed with bipolar, but also comes out to his friends and family, most of whom already know. He learns to develop healthier coping strategies.

    Overall Rating

    FAIR

    Point of View

    FIRST PERSON

    Narrative Elements

    Authors Writing Style: FAIR

    Characterization: FAIR

    Commerciality: FAIR

    Franchise Potential: FAIR

    Pace: FAIR

    Premise: FAIR

    Structure: FAIR

    Theme: FAIR

    Accuracy of Book Profile

    Yes, it’s accurate, but it's a bit long. The author's memoir tells of growing up gay in a conservative first-generation immigrant Arab family. Not only must he struggle to come out, he is also diagnosed with bipolar disorder in his 20s. Against all odds, David learns to manage his illness and find healthier coping strategies.

    Draw of Story

    Sympathetic lead who feels he doesn't fit in. Raw, first person narrative. Darkly comic confrontations with family and awkward forays into gay nightclubs. A relatable story of a young man's struggles to find love and acceptance.

    Possible Drawbacks

    The middle of the book when David is obsessed with DJ Eddie becomes a little muddled. For a man in his late 30s, his life seems a little 'thin' in terms of events and details. The psychiatric hospital scenes could be expanded to give a greater sense of drama and David's struggle to accept and manage his illness. It would be nice to see the memoir show at least one healthy romantic relationship in his life.

    Use of Special Effects

    THE STORY DOES NOT RELY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

    Primary Hook of Story

    Rarely seen story of a gay Arab struggling to come out in a heavily conservative family. Potential for a strong lead performance in the character of David. Takes a look at important issues like LGBTQ and mental health awareness and acceptance.

    Fanbase Potential

    No, probably quite a small niche as an indie movie or a darkly comic drama series.

    Awards Potential

    Yes. With its rare subject matter, the character of David could be a very solid and challenging role for an actor to sink their teeth into.

    Envisioned Budget

    LOW BUDGET

    Similar Films/TV Series

    TRANSPARENT; QUEER AS FOLK, TALES OF THE CITY

    What’s New About the Story

    Rare and welcome window into a young gay Arab man struggling to come out in his conservative family. Overall, the narrative seems a little rushed and could be expanded to include more detail of emotional conversations between lead David, his family and friends.

    Lead Characters

    David is a relatable and sympathetic lead, an underdog who has always felt like an outsider. His mother is warm and caring but also conflicted in her loyalty to her strict, conservative husband.

    Uniqueness of Story

    Yes. It's almost impossible to find anything like it in film and TV today, so it is a welcome addition.

    Possible Formats

    Film: Indie TV Series: Cable, Streaming

    Analyst Recommendation

    WORK IN PROGRESS

    Justification

    The memoir has a good foundation but could be expanded even more beyond a 'small' book that the author earnestly hopes can help other closeted gay Arabs. Further revisions of the book could draw out a more universal story that would garner broader attention.

    Tips for Improvement

    A slower and more in depth pace showing David growing up, the effect of his childhood molestation on his later mood swings and more detail about his daily personal life, his closest group of friends and his life goals.

    Brief

    Like Gia and Prozac Nation before it, David Rabadi's memoir is a cutting edge narrative of growing up gay in a strict family. It gives a rare and welcome window into this rarely-seen world, helping to broaden acceptance of all LGBTQ people.

    What We Liked

    Author David's raw and personal memoir offers a rare and important window into growing up gay in a first-generation immigrant family. Anyone who's ever been an underdog, bullied or an outsider can relate to this story of fighting against the odds to find love and acceptance.

    Film: David Rabadi's raw, personal story of growing up gay in a strict family is tailor made for an edgy, heartfelt indie movie of overcoming impossible odds to find happiness.

    TV: Good for cable TV only; it's too edgy for network TV. David Rabadi's raw, personal story gives a rare insight into growing up gay in a conservative family. It has a very contained backdrop and can be made for a price. The lead has the potential to be an award winner.

    Key points: Relatable and sympathetic lead. Unique and rarely seen subject matter. Can reach an underserved audience. Strong family drama with varying POVs in David's large family. Cool, edgy gay nightclub scene.

    Synopsis

    Author DAVID RABADI grew up in Yonkers in the 1980s, the son of first-generation Jordanians from the Middle East. From an early age, he always felt different and preferred to play with dolls than GI Joe. His idol was Wonder Woman and he liked to borrow his sister’s clothes and fashion a superhero costume. At a wedding, his sister encouraged young David to dance, emulating the belly dance his nanny had taught him. He was taunted by some family members as a ‘faggot’. His father, a cab driver, was a conservative provider, showing little emotion of love towards his five children. Mom was softer and kinder, even though she bristled against strict religious rules, not being allowed to work.

    David is diagnosed with a learning disability when young which helps add to his feeling of alienation and ability to fit in socially. Although he’s experimented with dry humping willing young male cousins, his first ‘partner’ was an 11th grade classmate, SANDRA (black, 16). Like him, she was a virgin and eager to lose it – but their first sexual encounter was horribly awkward. David was not attracted to her physically yet dated her for five years. Eventually, he felt bad lying to her about his sexual identity and they broke up. At 19, he discovered the personal ads and had his first male hook up with a homely-looking East Indian.

    David goes off to college, studying theater arts. He is still closeted, despite having openly gay classmates. His idol is Mariah Carey and he’s thrilled when he gets a part as a disco dancer in one of her movies. He’s even in a scene with her and stunned when he gets to talk to her, telling her that her music ‘saved him’ when younger. She encourages him to ‘believe in yourself’. David’s cousin LINDA (20s) is more open, having persuaded their conservative families to accept her dating an Italian American boyfriend, the first to date outside their culture. She takes him to nightclubs and David sneaks off to gay nightclubs where he’s agog at men having open sex in the back rooms. He meets a handsome lawyer and has his first real encounter but is disappointed to find he has a boyfriend and he’s just a hook-up.

    David starts taking Adderall to help him lose some weight but it only makes his mood swings worse, the result of as yet undiagnosed bipolar disorder. He joins some friends founding a small clothing design company and designs some fun ties which attract the attention of a senior VP at Neiman Marcus. But David refuses to sleep with him and prostitute himself to advance his career. He starts doing interviews for an online fashion magazine and gets to meet many celebrities. To his surprised, he’s smitten by an edgy Japanese girl who provokes a physical response for the first time.

    David enters a manic phase, rushes home and blurts out to his aghast family that he is gay. His mother and siblings pretty much knew from an early age but his father vehemently denies it. In many Middle Eastern countries, homosexuality is a crime punishable by death! David has a psychotic break, believing he’s being filmed for a talk show. He’s found walking down the middle of a busy highway and when he refuses to obey police instructions, he’s arrested. Luckily, he’s taken to a mental health facility where his worried mom and older brother find him, having shaved half his beard and painted one side of his face with feminine make-up.

    David is put on medication but he doesn’t take it. During a month-long manic phase, he suffers from hallucinations. Then he comes crashing down and falls into an eight-month long depression. He loses his job, can’t pay his rent and is forced to move back in with his parents who are surprisingly accepting of his mental illness diagnosis. After nearly a year, David feels well enough to get back out there again, resuming his interview work and renting his own place. He develops a strong crush on DJ EDDIE (30s) but he has a boyfriend and even though there’s a mutual attraction, it’s unrequited.

    David’s emotions are volatile (part of his illness) and he upsets Eddie when he writes and posts a poem that disses him on social media. He becomes paranoid that the gay community hates him and that he’s being followed. He has a second psychotic breakdown. He falls into another depression and has to move back home with his parents. David feels sad and angry that he’s been cursed with mental illness. It’s hard to find a support group for a gay bipolar man!

    MIKE (30s), a gay friend, takes him to a monthly gay Arab party where many attendees are closeted and even in straight marriages. David finally finds a small community of like souls. He slowly gets his life together, finds a small apartment and starts working again. However, when his medical insurance runs out, he stops taking his meds.

    At 36, David attends a large wedding in Jordan with his family, who still secretly hope he will meet a girl, settle down and have children. Later that year, David travels to Jordan again when his supportive brother John gets married. He even finds a gay bar! He travels through Turkey with Mike afterwards, aware that homosexuality is frowned upon. He enters another manic phase and is hospitalized again. He recalls being sexually molested at 4 by a neighbor boy (around 14) whom he came across masturbating in the basement of their building. David now sends him a confrontational email. He also tells his mother what happened but sets her straight when she ponders if the incident made him gay. He was born that way. He feels a tremendous emotional weight off his shoulders and starts dating again – until a third psychotic break happens and he repeats the routine of before, losing his job, moving back home.

    David makes peace with mental illness, fully accepting that bipolar will always be part of his life. He learns to be more sensitive to symptoms and triggers, getting them under control before they make him too manic. He also picks better and more supportive friends and activities. He stops drinking. A new, calmer and happier David emerges. He hopes that writing this book will help others, especially closeted gay Arab men. He hopes that he can help end the cycle of shame and promote self-love as a foundation for a healthier and more authentic life.

    About The Author

    David Rabadi is one of the first self-acclaimed gay of Jordanian descent to come of Yonkers, knowing that his struggle will pave the way for others like him. He is bravely vulnerable in recounting his tale of growing up gay in a strict family as well as dealing with devastating mental illness. David has found a happy niche doing celebrity fashion interviews for an online magazine. What keeps him going is knowing his struggle and epiphanies are hard-won lessons that might help others.