DRAMA, SUSPENSE, ROMANCE

Ann is the daughter of a rigorous father, and when she falls in love and decides to run away with her boyfriend, her father murders him in front of her. Ann goes into shock and starts reliving the night of crime every day. As Ann gets stuck that day, her mind makes it impossible for her to grow old. She is 58 years old now but still looking 18, and two psychiatrists will try a shock method to bring her back to reality.

FAIR

THIRD PERSON

Authors Writing Style: FAIR

Characterization: FAIR

Commerciality: FAIR

Franchise Potential: FAIR

Pace: FAIR

Premise: FAIR

Structure: FAIR

Theme: FAIR

It does, but I'd add Ann's father as the antagonist.

Ann's story is quite interesting. A person who does not age because she is stuck on a traumatic day.

The psychiatrists' scenes are a little tiring. They sound unprofessional, and the dialogues are highly expository. There is a moment when Dr. Elena says there is a study on a case similar to Ann's, but she has never read it. Elena has been investigating the case for a long time, but she never read a singular study on a similar subject. It seems to me that their attitudes and speeches don't match their positions.

THE STORY DOES NOT RELY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

The hook is Ann being stuck on one traumatic day. She wakes up every day believing she is reliving the same day. She seems trapped inside her own mind.

Ann's plot has the potential to attract an audience for its originality. However, since the story's point of view is that of psychiatrists, the plot loses its force.

If the story focuses on the personal drama of being trapped within Ann's own trauma, I believe so. It has the potential to be emotional and touching.

MEDIUM BUDGET

GROUNDHOG DAY: A JOURNALIST IS STUCK ON THE SAME DAY UNTIL HE MANAGES TO LEARN A LESSON AND GET OUT OF THERE. THE AGE OF ADALINE: A WOMAN DOES NOT AGE AND APPEARS TO BE 29 YEARS OLD FOREVER, MAKING IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HER TO CREATE EMOTIONAL BONDS.

Ann hasn't aged in 40 years and has relived the same day mentally ever since. It sounds original and entertaining.

As this is more of a treatment than a finished draft, we can't understand much about the characters. However, research on this topic could make those psychiatrists sound more solid and professional. In addition, including more of Ann's point of view would make us understand and see her internal conflicts.

It's not a rare gem, but it has good ideas. Combining the plot of the person stuck on a day with that of the woman who does not age brings a more original look to both plots.

Film: Streaming, Indie

WORK IN PROGRESS

While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.

The point of view is exclusive of two psychiatrists, which diminishes all of Ann's drama. We see Ann's trauma through the eyes of two researchers and not through the eyes of the victim herself. This choice distances us from Ann's story and diminishes the story's inner emotions and conflicts. I know Ann is in an almost vegetative state, but a small change in her perception, making her more aware of reality while waking up every day on the same day, would bring a more touching atmosphere to the plot. The psychiatrists also need development. They say clichéd sentences and sound like someone who doesn't quite understand the human mind. A little research on the subject could make the dialogues more "scientific" and more believable. Ann's character would also need more development and a more straightforward, evident arc. She ends up being very passive throughout the whole story, and that's negative for her as a protagonist. We know she suffered from her abusive father, which already makes her figure more sympathetic, but beyond that, we don't know much about her, especially about her feelings. She suffered an intense trauma, has been stuck on the same day ever since, and hasn't aged in 40 years. All of this can generate powerful internal conflicts in the protagonist, but as we don't have her point of view, we don't know how she feels, what she thinks, and all the drama ends up being left out. The ideas are good, but it would be necessary to explore further the conflicts that this narrative can create.