The Concrete Kingdom

Book Cover

CRIME SUSPENSE/THRILLER POLITICAL

1980s & '90s

Robert W Smith

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Submision Type

book

Logline

In a fictional Chicago during the early '90s, all power flows from City Hall, dominated by the Lowry family dynasty . Defense lawyer Frank Doherty's niece disappears from a trendy nightclub, triggering a cover up at the highest levels of government. The only eyewitness, Frank's wife, dies suspicious

Genre

Crime,Suspense/Thriller,Political

Short Summary

In a fictional Chicago of the early '90s, all power flows from City Hall, dominated by the Lowry family dynasty . Defense lawyer Frank Doherty's niece disappears from a trendy nightclub, triggering a cover up at the highest levels of government. The only eyewitness, Frank's wife, dies suspicious;y..

Setting

a fictional Chicago

Based on a True Story

No

Plot - Premise

Overcoming Monster/Villain

Plot - Other Elements

Philosophical Questions

Mature Audience Themes

Language/Profanity

Main Character Details

Name: Frank Doherty

Age: 48

Gender: Male

Role: Protagonist

Key Traits: Complex,Empathetic,Honorable,Insecure,Underdog

Additional Character Details

The author has not yet written this

Additional Character Details

The author has not yet written this

Additional Character Details

The author has not yet written this

About The Author

Robert W Smith was raised in Chicago, enlisting in the Air Force at age eighteen during the Vietnam War. Following four years’ service as a Russian Linguist in Security Service Command, a branch of the NSA, he attended DePaul University and The John Marshall Law School in Chicago. Thirty-odd years as a criminal defense lawyer slowed his career development as a writer. Now he only writes. His publishing history includes three small press releases in the early 2000s, two legal thrillers in paperback and The Sakhalin Collection in hardcover. He has re-released all three independently. See Amazon.com/author/ crimepays

Target Audiences

Age: 35-54,55+

Target Gender: Universal

Group Specific

Chicago

Publishing Details

Status: Yes: with a Publisher

Publisher: Originally published as Immoral Authority by Echelon Press

Year Published: 2001

Hard Copy Available

No

ISBN

9798625038720

Genre

ACTION

Brief

A young woman disappears into a nightclub, and Officer Frank begins to investigate the case. He ends up discovering a network of corruption in the police that hides all the crimes committed by the mayor of the city's son, Sean, who was the one who killed the young woman on a trip of sex and drugs. Frank's wife is murdered for being a witness in the case, and Frank takes the situation personally.

Overall Rating

GOOD

Point of View

THIRD PERSON

Narrative Elements

Authors Writing Style: GOOD

Characterization: FAIR

Commerciality: GOOD

Franchise Potential: FAIR

Pace: FAIR

Premise: GOOD

Structure: FAIR

Theme: FAIR

Accuracy of Book Profile

It does, but he could add more characters to the profile, like Laura and Sean.

Draw of Story

The young woman's disappearance in the nightclub and the beginning of the investigation made by Frank, while seeing the murderer right away, and understanding what actually happened to the young woman, is an excellent way to start a criminal story.

Possible Drawbacks

A lot of characters start to appear, which makes the story a little confusing. It is understandable that two work fronts are acting simultaneously, Frank's and Sean's, which causes the emergence of many characters, but this excess of characters and cases and stories of past victims can make the main story lose focus.

Use of Special Effects

THE STORY DOES NOT RELY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

Primary Hook of Story

The hook is the investigation itself. It's not the curiosity to know who killed it, but the curiosity to understand how Frank will manage to fight a colossal corruption scheme.

Fanbase Potential

Action fans of the criminal subgenre can find in this story many attractive tropes for this audience.

Awards Potential

If the story focuses more on the personal conflict of Frank, who loses his wife and finds himself involved in a corruption scheme within the corporation, it could increase the chances for awards.

Envisioned Budget

MEDIUM BUDGET

Similar Films/TV Series

SEVEN: THE INVESTIGATOR IN THE CASE RECEIVES HIS WIFE'S HEAD IN A BOX AND PERSONALLY KILLS THE SERIAL KILLER. EDGE OF DARKNESS: A POLICE OFFICER'S DAUGHTER DIES, AND HE DISCOVERS A CORRUPTION SCHEME INVOLVING THE POLICE AND THE GOVERNMENT.

What’s New About the Story

There's nothing really very original about the story. But the way we already know the killer right away makes the investigation more complex, rather than a simple guessing game.

Lead Characters

Frank is a very active and courageous character. Even though he is aware of the danger he is in when he gets involved with the highest levels of police, he continues to try to solve the girl's disappearance. Sean is also a good villain, although he can seem a bit cartoony at times. The angry and "vida loca" way he behaves brings a more interesting layer to the villain, who becomes even more hateful.

Uniqueness of Story

It's not a rare gem, as we've seen similar stories before, but it has good action genre elements.

Possible Formats

Film: Indie, Streaming

Analyst Recommendation

WORK IN PROGRESS

Justification

While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.

Tips for Improvement

Reducing the number of characters would make the plot more concise, more relevant, and enjoyable. As the corruption scheme involves many police and government officials, it is understandable that many characters are included, but are they indispensable? As a work of fiction, a reduction in this number would make interactions more exciting. The villain is attractive, as he is an extremely hateful and perverse being, but perhaps he could have even more nuances coming from the drug madness he lives in. He could experience different phases of the drug, showing vulnerability at times. The other characters sound very similar, and giving each one a unique voice would be essential to make the plot more robust and the relations more credible. Therefore, a reduction of characters is also essential so that the focus of development is turned to a few. Knowing the killer right away makes the plot more complex, as instead of having to find out who killed, we have to figure out how Frank is going to catch the criminal. It makes the chase tenser because we know who he's dealing with from the beginning. However, this coming and going between police teams could be even more interactive and more dangerous for both. Frank also lacks emotions. He's a great professional, but his wife was murdered, which could give him a good dramatic sequence linked to the loss.