ACTION

A young woman disappears into a nightclub, and Officer Frank begins to investigate the case. He ends up discovering a network of corruption in the police that hides all the crimes committed by the mayor of the city's son, Sean, who was the one who killed the young woman on a trip of sex and drugs. Frank's wife is murdered for being a witness in the case, and Frank takes the situation personally.

GOOD

THIRD PERSON

Authors Writing Style: GOOD

Characterization: FAIR

Commerciality: GOOD

Franchise Potential: FAIR

Pace: FAIR

Premise: GOOD

Structure: FAIR

Theme: FAIR

It does, but he could add more characters to the profile, like Laura and Sean.

The young woman's disappearance in the nightclub and the beginning of the investigation made by Frank, while seeing the murderer right away, and understanding what actually happened to the young woman, is an excellent way to start a criminal story.

A lot of characters start to appear, which makes the story a little confusing. It is understandable that two work fronts are acting simultaneously, Frank's and Sean's, which causes the emergence of many characters, but this excess of characters and cases and stories of past victims can make the main story lose focus.

THE STORY DOES NOT RELY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

The hook is the investigation itself. It's not the curiosity to know who killed it, but the curiosity to understand how Frank will manage to fight a colossal corruption scheme.

Action fans of the criminal subgenre can find in this story many attractive tropes for this audience.

If the story focuses more on the personal conflict of Frank, who loses his wife and finds himself involved in a corruption scheme within the corporation, it could increase the chances for awards.

MEDIUM BUDGET

SEVEN: THE INVESTIGATOR IN THE CASE RECEIVES HIS WIFE'S HEAD IN A BOX AND PERSONALLY KILLS THE SERIAL KILLER. EDGE OF DARKNESS: A POLICE OFFICER'S DAUGHTER DIES, AND HE DISCOVERS A CORRUPTION SCHEME INVOLVING THE POLICE AND THE GOVERNMENT.

There's nothing really very original about the story. But the way we already know the killer right away makes the investigation more complex, rather than a simple guessing game.

Frank is a very active and courageous character. Even though he is aware of the danger he is in when he gets involved with the highest levels of police, he continues to try to solve the girl's disappearance. Sean is also a good villain, although he can seem a bit cartoony at times. The angry and "vida loca" way he behaves brings a more interesting layer to the villain, who becomes even more hateful.

It's not a rare gem, as we've seen similar stories before, but it has good action genre elements.

Film: Indie, Streaming

WORK IN PROGRESS

While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.

Reducing the number of characters would make the plot more concise, more relevant, and enjoyable. As the corruption scheme involves many police and government officials, it is understandable that many characters are included, but are they indispensable? As a work of fiction, a reduction in this number would make interactions more exciting. The villain is attractive, as he is an extremely hateful and perverse being, but perhaps he could have even more nuances coming from the drug madness he lives in. He could experience different phases of the drug, showing vulnerability at times. The other characters sound very similar, and giving each one a unique voice would be essential to make the plot more robust and the relations more credible. Therefore, a reduction of characters is also essential so that the focus of development is turned to a few. Knowing the killer right away makes the plot more complex, as instead of having to find out who killed, we have to figure out how Frank is going to catch the criminal. It makes the chase tenser because we know who he's dealing with from the beginning. However, this coming and going between police teams could be even more interactive and more dangerous for both. Frank also lacks emotions. He's a great professional, but his wife was murdered, which could give him a good dramatic sequence linked to the loss.