THRILLER, SUSPENSE, ROMANCE, DRAMA

Josh Steadman is unable to maintain a relationship with his ultimate college crush Rose. He settles with Melissa, a girl next door, for her money which allows him to become mayor. He tires of Melissa when she gets sick and secretly smothers her to death. He then settles for his next wife Virginia also for her money but not before ensnaring Stacie, a divorce Lawyer as well. Their love triangle is toxic with Stacie being used as a pawn. Josh gets a chance to reunite with Rose and stages the death of Virginia while trying to frame Stacie.

GOOD

FIRST PERSON

Authors Writing Style: FAIR

Characterization: FAIR

Commerciality: GOOD

Franchise Potential: GOOD

Pace: FAIR

Premise: GOOD

Structure: FAIR

Theme: FAIR

The book profile does a pretty decent job of reflecting the story. The logline and short summary are accurate although the character details and pitch could be adjusted. Rather than creating the potential of adaptation, the pitch could benefit from explaining the themes and why the story is marketable rather than just formatting suggestions for both mediums. The character detail list Virginia twice rather than mention Rose or another influential character.

The mystery of how a woman ended up dead in the Mayor's house in the opening leaves tension to build as the pieces of the mystery are slowly filled in between Melissa's death and Virginia's death.

Josh is the antagonist and although he tries to be a good father, his flaws are somewhat too great to seem like a well rounded character and thus a logical choice of romantic partner to the four women. Making Josh more nuanced might make the mystery last longer. For example Stacie is clearly innocent, but not knowing her perspective and Josh's history could help create mystery around who killed Virginia by making the love triangle less clear in its dynamics.

THE STORY RELIES A LITTLE BIT ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

The hook is that women keep falling for the Mayor and dying and the mayor is getting smarter about who to blame. It is a love triangle involving murder and sabotage.

This could potentially have a decent fanbase of those who are already a fan of psychosexual thrillers. This could also fare well with the adult romantics. It's taudry storyline is compelling for those interested in thrillers.

This is unlikely to have awards potential in prestige categories due to the thriller genre, but could be a part of popularity awards.

LOW BUDGET

UNFORGETTABLE, THE BOY NEXT DOOR, KNIVES OUT, DISTURBIA, NEIGHBORS (AU SOAP), NO GOOD DEED

The originality of the story stems from the motivations behind Joshua's murders and the back story of how he is able to get away with murder. Making Joshua less evil might help make him feel less obviously guilty and more naturally likable.

Joshua is narcissistic and calculating. Rose is disillusioned and smart. Stacie is too open for her own good and slowly becoming more independent. Melissa is a kind and unsuspecting.

This has some good twists in the ending but the pacing is a bit prolonged and the characters feel static.

Film: Streaming, Indie, Studio

WORK IN PROGRESS

While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.

Adding more nuance to the dialogue could help create more realistic characters. Adding more clear inner conflicts to the characters would also help them seem more relatable.