Deceitful Intentions (update)

GENRE
THRILLER
Core Theme
REVENGE.
TIME PERIOD
Contemporary
COMPARABLE TITLES
THE WOMAN IN THE WINDOW, GONE GIRL, PRETTY LITTLE LIARS
CHARACTER LIST
RAVEN: 20S. AMNESIA PATIENT WITH A PROSTHETIC LEG, TRYING TO REASSIMILATE INTO HER FORMER LIFE.
JULIA: 20S. RAVEN’S BEST FRIEND AND CONFIDANTE.
MURIEL: 40S-50S. ANTAGONIST.
PAUL MANFRED: LOCAL COP AND RAVEN’S LOVE INTEREST.
Logline
Original story is already on Taleflicks. This is an update
Target Audiences
Age: 18-34,35-54
Target Gender: Female Leaning
Setting
Midwest
Based on a True Story
No
Publishing Details
Status: No
Starting Description
Lead character, Raven Redman and her mother are in a car accident and the mother dies. Raven survives but loses her memory and her right leg and moves back to her home town to find out what really caused the accident that killed her mother.
Ending Description
Raven is confronted by Muriel, the killer, and saves her own life.
Group Specific
Information not completed
Hard Copy Available
No
ISBN
Information not completed
Mature Audience Themes
Information not completed
Plot - Other Elements
Happy Ending
Plot - Premise
Overcoming Monster/Villain
Main Character Details
Name: Raven Redman
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Role: Protagonist
Key Traits: Charming,Confident,Decisive
Additional Character Details
Name: Julia Jackson
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Role: Sidekick
Key Traits: Badass,Funny,Empathetic,Engaging,Selfless
Additional Character Details
Name: Muriel Manfred
Age: late fifties
Gender: Female
Role: antagonist
Key Traits: Villainous,Desperate,Manipulative,Unapologetic
Additional Character Details
Name: Chief Manfred
Age: fifties
Gender: Male
Role: protagonist
Key Traits: Confident,Engaging,Blunt,Masculine,Leader,Honorable
Development Pitch
Genre
SUSPENSE, THRILLER
Brief
After a horrible accident claims the life of her mother, RAVEN wakes up with amnesia two years later. She tries to resume her life with the help of best friend, JULIA. But as her memories come back, she begins to suspect that her mother is the victim of foul play and works to catch her murderer before it’s too late.
Overall Rating
FAIR
Narrative Elements
Authors Writing Style: FAIR
Characterization: FAIR
Commerciality: FAIR
Franchise Potential: FAIR
Pace: FAIR
Premise: FAIR
Structure: FAIR
Theme: FAIR
Accuracy of Book Profile
It is accurate.
Draw of Story
The story starts in the heart of the action, which helps to engage us with Raven right away. We watch alongside her as her mother perishes, which allows us to access some of her more complex emotions throughout the story. From there, we meet Raven again in the hospital, with the same questions that the character has herself. This gives us a great access point, an interesting perch, and endears us to her before the mystery takes off.
Possible Drawbacks
The story moves quickly, without much room to process things like grief, suspicion, and character relationships. For instance, Raven bonds with Julia faster than she might naturally. And she doesn’t quite have the time to process her feelings for Paul before the high-stakes mystery takes over. At just over 100 pages, there is certainly room to expand on these emotions, and the allow the scenes to breathe enough for the audience to stay engaged. Getting into the characters’ heads more is probably a good place to start.
Use of Special Effects
THE STORY DOES NOT RELY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS
Primary Hook of Story
The mystery is set up for us right away, and we have the same goal as Raven: discover the truth about what happened to Alice. In that way, it follows the same story structure as successful adaptations, like GONE GIRL.
Fanbase Potential
A story like this would likely appeal to fans of female-driven thrillers, like GONE GIRL or THE WOMAN IN CABIN 10. Because it follows the same structure of successful stories of the thriller genre, it’s relatively safe to assume that an adaptation could have global appeal. In terms of a rating, the violence from the accident alone would likely warrant a ‘R.’
Awards Potential
Thrillers like this don’t usually get Above the Line Awards recognition, but that’s not to say that there isn’t potential Below the Line. For instance, cinematography – specifically striking the right aesthetic tone -could make it a contender.
Envisioned Budget
LOW BUDGET
Similar Films/TV Series
THE WOMAN IN THE WINDOW, GONE GIRL, PRETTY LITTLE LIARS
What’s New About the Story
The story gives us a single perspective, which allows us access into the protagonist’s complex range of emotions. It also deals with memory loss, which gives us a fish out of water trope that we might not otherwise have. That said, to make it more unique may mean going deeper into the character’s head, especially when it comes to processing her complex emotions. For instance, how does she feel when she first sees Paul again? Even though they’re broken up, does she find him handsome? Does a part of her miss him in a way that the audience might be able to relate to?
Lead Characters
Raven is strong-willed, and determined, even when faced with a world that she hasn’t been a part of in several years. It endears us to her, and makes her easy to root for throughout the story. Julia is also endearing, and compliments Raven well on the page. Where Raven is careful with her words, Julia isn’t afraid to speak her mind. The duo works well together, which helps us engage with them and their overall quest for answers.
Uniqueness of Story
Although the story has the potential to be great, it doesn't feel like a rare gem quite yet. It moves extremely quickly, which doesn't give the reader enough of a chance to feel the intended emotions as the mystery unravels. It also lacks strong character development outside of Raven and Julia, so it doesn't allow us to feel the strong feelings for, say, Paul that the story relies on in order to come to a satisfying conclusion.
Possible Formats
Film: Studio, Indie, Streaming TV Series: Limited Run / Mini-Series
Analyst Recommendation
WORK IN PROGRESS
Justification
Generally, the story feels like an outline, instead of a fully fleshed out, meaty story. The characters feel a bit one-dimensional and surface level, which makes them sometimes hard to engage with outside of basic sympathy. And the dialogue falls a bit flat, which makes it tough to buy into at certain points.
Tips for Improvement
Fully fleshing out each scene, and figuring out the emotions of a character at any given time would be a great place to start. It would allow us to more fully engage with the story, and Raven's quest for answers. Tweaking the dialogue so it feels more natural might make the story flow more smoothly, and allow us to engage with the characters a bit more. And dialing up the intense emotions at pivotal points could help increase the tension that we feel as the mystery unravels. But that said, the basics are here. The genre is a popular one, so this feels like something worth continuing to pursue. Keep at it, and best of luck!
Brief
After a horrible accident claims the life of her mother, RAVEN wakes up with amnesia two years later. She tries to resume her life with the help of best friend, JULIA. But as her memories come back, she begins to suspect that her mother is the victim of foul play and works to catch her murderer before it’s too late.
What We Liked
DECEITFUL INTENTIONS follows the same story structure as the popular thrillers, like WOMAN IN THE WINDOW or GONE GIRL. It follows a single character as she navigates a new world that doesn’t feel quite right to her. She follows her instincts and it leads her down a road of deceit and danger that’s tough to look away from, even if the story itself isn’t as fleshed as it perhaps needs to be.
Film: The story centers around a single mystery and follows the lead as she follows her instinct to prove that not everything is as it seems. It follows a similar structure as others of its kind, although it doesn’t always feel quite as meaty or dark.
TV: Given that the story centers around a single mystery that gets solved at the end, this story is probably best suited for a limited series. In that format, it has enough of a hook to sustain several episodes as the protagonist works to figure out the truth about her past, as well as assimilate into her new normal.
Key points:
Popular genre
Potential for diversity
Hints of romance
Female-driven
Deals with complex emotions
Synopsis
RAVEN is in a violent car accident with her mother, ALICE. She awakens in the hospital one year later, with one of her legs amputated. Her DOCTOR refuses to answer any questions about the accident and puts her into a medically-induced coma. After another year, Raven is taken out of the coma, is given a prosthetic leg and learns that she is strong enough to resume her life.
Raven takes the long drive back to her hometown. To help jog her memory, she looks at her high school yearbook. She finds a picture of her with her arm around PAUL MANFRED and wonders who it is. She finds another picture of her with JULIA JACKSON.
MURIEL MANFRED arrives at the house to greet Julia. Raven asks her to see the media coverage from the accident and she returns with it later.
Julia arrives and tries to catch Raven up to speed. Raven believes that Muriel Manfred and her husband, the police chief, are bad people. Julia begins taking Raven to places that she believes will jog her memory. At the local diner, they meet MARYANN PERKINS, and Raven learns that she’s with Paul. Julia fills in the blanks and tells Raven that Paul broke up with Julia when she decided to go to college, and began seeing Maryann soon after. After lunch, Julia takes Raven to the local high school. There, she has her first memory: of her mother telling her that she needs to have her oil changed before taking Raven back to school, and of her mother telling her that she made a doctor’s appointment to see about some stomach pain.
Back at home, Raven is visited by CHIEF MANFRED. He delivers several accident reports for Raven to look over. She notices that the mechanic who did the inspection after the accident was HENRY DUNLAP. Dunlap maintains that he’s never done an oil change on Alice’s car, but Raven begins to suspect that he’s lying.
Raven checks her mother’s calendar and verifies the oil change and a doctor’s appointment.
Julia takes Raven to see Alice’s doctor, only to learn that DOCTOR KIM doesn’t know what was wrong with Alice’s stomach. From there, they visit the medical examiner. But Raven learns that the autopsy is sealed, and she needs permission from Chief Manfred to access it. Raven decides that she wants to talk to Dunlap again. They arrive at the shop and find an active crime scene. Dunlap was a victim of a hit and run in the shop’s parking lot.
Paul pulls Raven aside and apologizes for their past. He tells her that, before the accident, his father was having an affair with Alice. Muriel knew about it, and threatened divorce. Once Alice died, the Manfred’s tried to put the affair behind them.
Julia teaches Raven to drive again. They run into Paul, and Julia begins to believe that he’s still in love with Raven. They visit Chief Manfred for permission to see the autopsy report, and find him in his office with Muriel. He gives permission, and Raven asks to talk to him in private. Muriel excuses herself to go bake muffins.
Chief Manfred confirms his affair with Alice, and tells Raven that he was in love with her. She tries to convince him to look further into Dunlap’s lies, but he refuses. At home, Raven finds Alice’s diary, and learns that she intended to marry Chief Manfred. Julia accompanies her to the medical examiners to go over the autopsy report. Raven begins to suspect that her mother was poisoned. Raven arrives home to find a basket of Muriel’s muffins waiting for her.
Raven brings one of the muffins to Chief Manfred and asks him to test it for poison. Meanwhile, he gets word that Henry Dunlap was about to go bankrupt when a mysterious customer paid to save his shop. At home, Chief Manfred notices a dent in Muriel’s bumper. Soon after, he learns that there is arsenic in the muffin. Paul calls to warn Raven, just as Muriel shows up at the house. She pulls a gun on Raven and tries to force her to eat the muffin. Julia rings the bell, and breaks into the house just as Muriel is about to pull the trigger. She tackles her, and Raven grabs the gun and shoots Muriel in the thigh. Paul arrives with backup and Muriel tries to pull the trigger on herself. Paul is able to stop her, only to realize that she ingested the arsenic herself. She dies on the living room floor. Paul and Raven reconcile, while Muriel’s body is taken away.