My Secret Place
HISTORICAL FICTION MELODRAMA RELIGIOUS
1920s & '30s,1940s & '50s
Cynthia Regina Johnson
Two brothers venture to the South to pursue a life of independence. They become engrossed with its oppressive history of the not so long ago past, only to realize that this very history is their own. To what length are they willing to reconcile?
This story begins in the 1900s-1950s reliving the experiences of what life was like for the brothers and the challenges they faced along the way as they steadfastly reciprocated goodwill regardless of the circumstances. It speaks of sacrifice, forgiveness, acceptance and most of all truth.
The story begins in New York then takes a journey south to Louisiana.
Based on a True Story
Plot - Premise
Plot - Other Elements
Mature Audience Themes
Information not completed
Main Character Details
Key Traits: Funny,Visionary,Outspoken,Religious,Obedient,Modest,Clumsy,Crazy,Empathetic,Faithful,Educated,Honorable,Leader,Strong Moral Code,Selfless
Additional Character Details
Key Traits: Masculine,Modest,Obedient,Religious,Patriotic,Skillful,Honorable,Educated,Heartthrob,Gracious,Faithful,Engaging,Empathetic,Decisive,Confident,Funny,Charming
Additional Character Details
Key Traits: Aspiring,Adventurous,Charming,Confident,Decisive,Patriotic,Religious,Obedient,Modest,Masculine,Selfless,Empathetic,Engaging,Faithful,Gracious,Romantic,Visionary,Educated,Honorable,Strong Moral Code
Additional Character Details
Name: baby mouse
Key Traits: Funny,Obedient,Engaging,Faithful
Jonathan and Nathan are from a close knit family that has seen some hardships. A member of the family was abducted with no trace, but her son was discovered instead. The brothers find themselves in the South during slavery where they try to help slaves and create a safe haven.
Authors Writing Style: FAIR
Franchise Potential: FAIR
Accuracy of Book Profile
The book profile does reflect the book.
Draw of Story
The story drew me in because it is a period drama with people of color at the center. The story also shows the normal life and struggles of this family. The author was clearly trying to educate the reader about events that occurred during slavery and the lasting effects of the future generations. Art is a vehicle for knowledge but this needs a lot of work to be palatable.
The story is poorly written and formatted. It is hard to get a sense of the characters with little description of who they are, what they look like or how they are related. The chapters ramble on, moving from one event to another without distinction. There is little structure to the story and no plot to speak of. The time frame does not match with the book profile especially when Nathan and Jonathan come upon a slave trade and are on a plantation with slaves. There needs to be a restructure of the book. At times, it felt like they were time traveling because it is never made clear what time period they are in.
Use of Special Effects
THE STORY DOES NOT RELY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS
Primary Hook of Story
The hook is that Jonathan and Nathan are forced to deal with the knowledge that there family land was home to slaves. Their ancestor was a slave owner with a terrible history. I would not watch this movie based off the book because the story is all over the place. It was hard to maintain a grasp of the characters, their relationship to each other and the time period they were living in. I was not completely certain of the race of all the characters which changesthe story completely.
This could have a large fanbase because it deals with very serious but important topics. Especially because of the Black Lives Matter movement and the need for more black stories and black creators, this would be a welcome film. The story ,as is,needs a complete overhaul and to be given some direction.
Yes, this story could have awards potential is completely reworked. It is a jumble of ideas thrown together in one story. Putting a lens on slavery and how the generations that followed dealt with the complexities of their ancestors through slavery would be really interesting to see. It is a different perspective than has been shown before.
Similar Films/TV Series
12 YEARS A SLAVE, AMISTAD
What’s New About the Story
The story is original because it focuses on the next generation learning the secrets about their ancestors. The story needs to be restructured to develop the themes.
The lead characters are barely developed and do not stand out. There are few characteristics distinguishing Nathan and Jonathan from each other.
Uniqueness of Story
This is not a rare gem but could be with the correct edit. The focus can be on Jonathan and Nathan's experiences with their grandfather's land and the slaves they encounter. The family interactions are extensive and do not contribute to the storyline.
Film - Indie, Film - Streaming, Film - Studio, TV Series - Limited Run / Mini-Series, TV Series - Streaming
WORK IN PROGRESS
While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.
Tips for Improvement
There are some interesting elements that can become the main focus of the story. Jonathan and Nathan's interaction with former slaves on their grandfather's land and how they try to make change in the world is a great basis for a story. How the present day generations deal with the actions of their ancestors especially as horrific as the actions during slavery in America.