RELIGION

Christianity's storyline is turned on its head with the revelation of the Divine Ones. Rather than the traditional Trinity, the five Divine Ones correct the past's misconceptions. In particular Jesus and his true love Mary Magdalene's life story of reincarnation throughout the Bible is explained in depth. The Divine then help instruct how to change in order to become five dimensional.

FAIR

FIRST PERSON

Authors Writing Style: FAIR

Characterization: FAIR

Commerciality: FAIR

Franchise Potential: FAIR

Pace: FAIR

Premise: FAIR

Structure: FAIR

Theme: FAIR

The logline and development pitch mostly reflect the major purpose of the book. Given that there are five Divine ones it would make more sense to focus on their five dimensional identities in the character details rather than repeating a singular version of one character twice. The short summary's focus the Garden of Eden is a small piece of the narrative and thus may be better suited by explaining the reincarnations throughout time instead of a singular moment. The use of "concur" in the development pitch seems like it would be better as "conquer" instead.

The new Christian ideas are innovative and unlike any religious texts beforehand. The idea that three-dimensional beings should try to change to master their eternal self as the key to fixing problems on Earth is also interesting.

The structure makes the ideas difficult to follow and there is more focus on the characters rather than a clear narrative with an arc for the main characters for the audience to become emotionally invested in. In the same vein where Superman or movies about Jesus struggle to show relatable flaws, not knowing what the Divine's goal and flaws are makes seeing their inner transformation less apparent and supportable. By making the characters and their connection to their different version more clear and showing how their characters have changed not just telling about the change in discussions might help create an easier to follow plot and improve character support.

THE STORY RELIES HEAVILY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

The hook is that Jesus and Mary Magdalene are twin flames that have existed in different moments throughout and Bible and history. They have a child which change the traditional views of Christianity on its head to showcase a Devine five member group rather than just the standard three.

Given that this is a religious themed concept this is likely to have a smaller audience. Some Christians may view the innovative ideas as non-Christian so the fanbase within the religious community is likely to get smaller within its small base. Its controversy in the narrative's new ideas may however draw a surprise larger crowd based off media criticism.

Given its religious overtones this is unlikely to garner awards and because of its alternative viewpoints will likely not get nominated for Christian or religious awards either.

MEDIUM BUDGET

ANCIENT ALIENS, THE DA VINCI CODE, GOD'S NOT DEAD, PASSION OF THE CHRIST, I ORIGINS, CLOUD ATLAS

The use of reincarnation to explain destiny within Christianity is definitely inventive. The Divine being instead of five is unique and the use of Angels' perspectives in rare. Focusing more on a chronological narrative showing how the divine came to master the fifth dimension rather than telling how to ascend may make the narrative easier to emotionally invest in and bring a more dimensions to the characters outside of perfection in having already attained ascension.

The characters of Gabriel and Adaria are wise and confrontational without being aggressive. They speak their mind about their own truths no matter how difficult the change might be that needs to be made.

This has some inventive ideas, but as a narrative it would need more of a unified internal conflict to create revelations and a storyline rather than a panel discussion about the fifth dimensions. The concepts are more difficult to understand as being told rather than explained through being shown in the characters' actions in a chronological order.

Film - Streaming, TV Series - Limited Run / Mini-Series, TV Series - Streaming

WORK IN PROGRESS

While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.

Using the inventive concepts as applied to a linear structure so that the characters show the examples rather than tell about the history, could make the plot easier to follow and create further investment in the characters. Giving the characters an internal conflict that they must overcome before ascension could help show their transformation and allow this life lessons to be shown in order by theme rather than reflected upon.