ImmortaLily Rise
Submision Type
book
Logline
Lily is an immortal child born to fulfil a prophecy, but she doesn't know it. Her uncles death takes her to new Orleans where a supernatural world is revealed to her. She has to choose between destiny or freewill. Living or dying. What will she choose?
Genre
Fantasy,Young Adult
Short Summary
Lily, an unemotional child, grows up protected from constant danger by her uncle and his team of wolfling. She is totally unaware of the supernatural side of her life, until her uncle dies, and she finds herself fleeing to New Orleans where the truth is revealed and her emotions begin to unfold.
Setting
Blackheath, England and New Orleans, USA ( Travelling through new York and Chicago)
Based on a True Story
No
Plot - Premise
Overcoming Monster/Villain,Internal Journey/Rebirth,Quest
Plot - Other Elements
Coming of Age,Twist,Other
Mature Audience Themes
Language/Profanity
Main Character Details
Name: Lily Du Plessis
Age: 18
Gender: Female
Role: Protagonist
Key Traits: Aspiring,Badass,Complex,Heroic,Modest,Selfless,Romantic,Strong Moral Code
Additional Character Details
Name: Alex Monsanto
Age: 21
Gender: Male
Role: Antagonist
Key Traits: Charming,Confident,Crazy,Engaging,Heartthrob,Villainous,Blunt,Manipulative,Unapologetic,Lone Wolf,Secretive,Sexy,Adventurous
Additional Character Details
Name: Tallis Summers
Age: 20
Gender: Male
Role: logical
Key Traits: Decisive,Empathetic,Faithful,Heartthrob,Heroic,Honorable,Leader,Masculine,Obedient,Selfless,Secretive,Strong Moral Code
Additional Character Details
Name: Charlotte Rittal
Age: 18
Gender: Female
Role: sidekick
Key Traits: Confident,Desperate,Greedy,Insecure,Narcisstic,Sexy,Blunt,Outspoken,Sarcastic,Seductive,Unapologetic
Genre
FANTASY, DRAMA
Brief
Lily has lived a sheltered life but when she finds her cranky uncle dead in his study, she flees to a trusted friend. He left her a note and it takes her into a world of creatures: vampires, witches and werewolves. Lily is actually an immortal child who might fulfill a prophesy. The last immortal was locked up and now is searching for Lily, but she must stand and defeat him.
Overall Rating
GOOD
Narrative Elements
Authors Writing Style: GOOD
Characterization: GOOD
Commerciality: GOOD
Franchise Potential: GOOD
Pace: GOOD
Premise: GOOD
Structure: GOOD
Theme: GOOD
Accuracy of Book Profile
Yes, the book profile accurately reflects the book.
Draw of Story
The story begins with the mysterious sheltering of Lily. She hasn't been allowed to do much alone as if her uncle is hiding her from the world. His death plunges Lily world she didn't know existed. The plot is teased at as are some of the twist that are revealed.
Possible Drawbacks
The writing is cliché, using many predictable phrases. Much of the plot is predictable and has a distinct young adult novel tone. The story needs a more sophisticated language. The romantic relationships between some of the characters is off putting because of the age differences. Lily is 17 dating Tallis who is in his 20's. He could be 18 as well so that the acceptance of the relationship by others does not seem unrealistic.
Use of Special Effects
THE STORY RELIES A LITTLE BIT ON SPECIAL EFFECTS
Primary Hook of Story
The hook is that Lily was sheltered her whole life because she is an immortal born from a witch and a vampire. She can fulfill a prophesy creating a new species of creatures but many want her powers for there own game. I would watch this movie for the world of vampires, witches and werewolves and the unique ideology this story creates around them. There is also magic.
Fanbase Potential
This could have a large fanbase but there have been many young adult fantasy stories brought to the big screen. It might not draw the attention of audiences as it might have before Harry Potter or Twilight.
Awards Potential
This does not have awards potential. There is nothing exceptional about the storytelling, the plot or the characters. It is a solid story that is entertaining.
Envisioned Budget
MEDIUM BUDGET
Similar Films/TV Series
UNDERWORLD, TWILIGHT, HARRY POTTER, A DISCOVERY OF WITCHES
What’s New About the Story
The story is original because of the unique ideology it is creating for a world filled with vampires, witches and werewolves. Also the prohpecy surrounding Lily is unique to the story. The storyline of a chosen person who is the only one to fulfill a prophesy is a popular storyline in the fantasy genre.
Lead Characters
The lead character is a teenage girl with all the feelings and thoughts of a typical teenager. While her circumstances change she doesn't have a distinct character arc. The story focuses on world building.
Uniqueness of Story
This is not a rare gem. It is a solid story that has interesting elements. It needs editing to make the stakes higher. There is too much time spent on Lily building relationships and having adventure for a film. The plot gets lost at moments,The story is original because of the unique ideology it is creating for a world filled with vampires, witches and werewolves. Also the prohpecy surrounding Lily is unique to the story. The storyline of a chosen person who is the only one to fulfill a prophesy is a popular storyline in the fantasy genre.
Possible Formats
TV Series: Network, Cable, Streaming
Analyst Recommendation
WORK IN PROGRESS
Justification
While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.
Tips for Improvement
The tone of the story should be more serious. Lily is an immortal and must face another immortal who wants to take over the world. The time spent on her having fun in New Orleans or making friends at school could be condensed. While it can be touched upon, too much time spent on her having a life detracts time from seeing her grow her powers, learn about her new world and to get an understanding of the villain, Fabian. That can be reserved for a sequel where her world and the audience understanding of her life is broadened.