Bumper to Bumper
Submision Type
book
Logline
Paola Verdad killed her husband, and got off easy. Trial was a three ring, social media sensation. She served an anger management sentence aboard a therapy cruise, playing her beloved harp. DA Amy Shoutzen vowed revenge, and saw her opportunity pretty damn quick.
Genre
Action,Comedy,Crime,Mystery,Satire,Funny
Short Summary
In Paola's search for the lunatic hit and run driver that destroyed her home, she joins forces with smitten road vigilante, Arthur Stram. They find the culprit, Lola Joy, not only dead, but find out she is the sister of top crime boss, Ray Daisy. Who killed Lola Joy?
Setting
Los Angeles
Based on a True Story
No
Plot - Premise
Internal Journey/Rebirth,Quest
Plot - Other Elements
Twist
Mature Audience Themes
Language/Profanity
Main Character Details
Name: Paola Verdad
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Role: Protagonist
Key Traits: Badass,Aggressive,Funny,Outspoken,Aspiring
Additional Character Details
Name: Arthur L. Stram
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Role: Sidekick
Key Traits: Outspoken,Underdog,Adventurous
Additional Character Details
Name: Rabbi Jackson Jackson Brown
Age: 68
Gender: Male
Role: emotional
Key Traits: Religious,Complex
Additional Character Details
Name: Amy Shoutzen
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Role: antagonist
Key Traits: Aspiring,Badass,Aggressive,Confident,Power Hungry
Genre
DRAMA, SUSPENSE
Brief
A cast of characters is trying to determine who killed Paola's husband. There are many suspects and new developments change the perspective on who did it. Some wind up dead and Covid-19 prevents justice from being enacted completely.
Overall Rating
FAIR
Narrative Elements
Authors Writing Style: FAIR
Characterization: FAIR
Commerciality: FAIR
Franchise Potential: FAIR
Pace: GOOD
Premise: GOOD
Structure: FAIR
Theme: FAIR
Accuracy of Book Profile
Yes, the book profile accurately reflects the book.
Draw of Story
The story did not draw me in. It is difficult to comprehend the story because of the writing. The writing was reminiscent of an old 30's newspaper man or detective style dialogue which I'm not sure was the intention considering it is set in modern day.
Possible Drawbacks
The writing style made it very difficult to understand the story. The sentences structure were not complete and mimicked erratic inner dialogue. At times, it was not formatter correctly to explain who was speaking. The story needs to be formatted traditionally as a novel for better comprehension of the story.
Use of Special Effects
THE STORY DOES NOT RELY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS
Primary Hook of Story
The hook is that Paola is trying to clear her name but many around her want to see her brought to justice. The question still is if she did it. I would watch it for the multiple storylines that intertwine with varying events that make the audience wonder what the truth is.
Fanbase Potential
This would not have a large fanbase. The dialogue is erratic and the story is not formatted into complete sentences which make it difficult to follow the plot. The story jumps around between storylines and characters without much flow.
Awards Potential
This does not have awards potential. As is, it is hard to decipher the plot and story with the way it is presented.
Envisioned Budget
LOW BUDGET
Similar Films/TV Series
BURN AFTER READING
What’s New About the Story
The story is not original. It is a murder mystery story that has a decent ending. There could be more diversity and more care needs to be taken in making the language of the story deliver the plot effectively. The story needs to have more descriptive paragraphs that create the world and better dialogue to give clearer distinctions to the characters.
Lead Characters
The lead character, Paola, stands out as a strong female character. She is accused of killing her husband, but it doesn't scare her. She takes action, trying to discover who is framing her.
Uniqueness of Story
This is not a rare gem. It is an entertaining crime drama that needs to be made clearer. As is, the audience has to look past many faults to understand the plot.
Possible Formats
Film: Studio, Indie, Streaming
Analyst Recommendation
WORK IN PROGRESS
Justification
While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.
Tips for Improvement
The story needs to be formatted correctly with clear and descriptive sentences that work together to tell the story. There is a styling to the current version which add characteristics to the story but take away from it's basic purpose in telling the story effectively.