The Timeless Cavern Marged Evans and the Pebbles of Time
ACTION DRAMA CHILDREN'S MYSTERY FANTASY FAMILY HISTORICAL FICTION YOUNG ADULT SCI-FI
Across Centuries
John Dingley
Logline
A cavern in the hills of Wales where no time passes. Marged Evans enters the cave and meets people from all over time. They are trapped there because as the mountain moves in geological time the pebbles of exit are no longer working correctly. Marged recalibrates the pebbles and helps people out.
Genre
Action,Drama,Children's,Mystery,Fantasy,Family,Historical Fiction,Young Adult,Sci-fi
Short Summary
Marged's mother turns off the TV and sends her and her brother out to explore the countryside. They visit the cave and Marged is told of the legends and myths surrounding the cave. She goes back the next day and is able to enter where she meets Caradoc the cave keeper and the adventures begin.
The end is a long way off. It is a six book series that is not complete yet. Within each book there are series of adventures all with an out come.
Setting
Mid Wales
Based on a True Story
No
Plot - Premise
Other
Plot - Other Elements
Meaningful Message,Other
Mature Audience Themes
Information not completed
Main Character Details
Name: Marged Evans
Age: Eleven
Gender: Female
Role: Protagonist
Key Traits: Adventurous,Aspiring,Obedient,Confident,Decisive,Empathetic,Engaging,Outspoken,Skillful,Flexible,Visionary,Heroic,Educated,Leader
Additional Character Details
Name: The Lady Buttercup
Age: Twelve
Gender: Female
Role: Sidekick
Key Traits: Adventurous,Aspiring,Confident,Complex,Outspoken,Gracious
Additional Character Details
Name: Rhys Edwards
Age: Thirteen
Gender: Male
Role: sidekick
Key Traits: Aspiring,Obedient,Uneducated,Confident,Empathetic,Flexible,Honorable
Additional Character Details
Name: Caradoc
Age: Ageless
Gender: Male
Role: mentor
Key Traits: Complex,Empathetic,Gracious,Educated,Honorable,Leader
Development Pitch
The Timeless Cavern What is the Timeless Cavern? It is a place where there is no time and no sensation of it passing. Who is in the cavern? People from all ages and animals of all kinds. How does one get the cave to open deeper? There are three ways to enter the cave through the main entrance. 1. Run into the cave in great fear. 2. To have been struck by lightning and survived or suffered a powerful electric shock. 3. A person under the age of sixteen. Who is in charge of the cave? A cave keeper called Caradoc. How does one get out of the cave? To exit the cave the Time Stones have to be arranged in order for the right date to exit on. This rarely works correctly because over geological time the caves mountain has moved disrupting accuracy. Who is Marged Evans? Marged Evans is the eleven year old daughter of the family that owns the land where the cavern is situated. How does Marged recalibrate the Time Stones? With a ruler and a long running digital watch, that she leaves outside the cave. Does Marged have a nemesis? Yes, the Stumpy Man who is constantly trying to disrupt her efforts to help people. Does Marged have help from others? Absolutely. She has help from three key individuals, “The Lady Buttercup”, Rhys Edwards” and “David Taylor”. Are Marged and her helpers able to help people find their right time outside the cave? Most of the time they succeed on the first try, however because of things beyond their control several attempts may have to be made.
Genre
FANTASY
Brief
Marged has heard the stories of the cave in Wales where people disappear. Her visit to the cave introduces her to Caradoc, a timekeeper and hundreds of people lost in time. She is able to use the Time Stones to help the people in the cave who can not get back to their own time.
Overall Rating
GOOD
Narrative Elements
Authors Writing Style: GOOD
Characterization: GOOD
Commerciality: GOOD
Franchise Potential: GOOD
Pace: FAIR
Premise: GOOD
Structure: GOOD
Theme: GOOD
Accuracy of Book Profile
Yes, the book profile accurately reflects the book.
Draw of Story
The story starts with the myths surrounding the caves. Marged's father tells her many stories including one with her grandfather's missing sheep. Her and her brother do not believe the stories but Marged is allowed in when she touches the stones. She is gone for 2 hours but to her family she was gone a year. There is a innocence and childlike curiosity to the story because the main character is 11 years old. It sets the tone for a time travel adventure.
Possible Drawbacks
Some of the story goes on a tangent which doesn't aid in the plot. Marged is trying to get to the Wild Wild West show and has many adventures along the way but the end of the story gives too much time to the show. Some of the terms used to describe people are politically incorrect and insensitive. There were racial slurs used which were used depict racist White people but the amount it was used was unnecessary. Native Americans where referred to as Indians throughout which is politically incorrect. The language used was very stereotypical for Native Americans in media and should be updated especially considering the demographic.
Use of Special Effects
THE STORY RELIES A LITTLE BIT ON SPECIAL EFFECTS
Primary Hook of Story
The hook is that Marged is trapped in a cave, not able to get back to her time. She begins helping the others trapped using the Time Stones to return them to their proper time.
Fanbase Potential
This could have a large fanbase with children and teens. The tone is geared towards them. There is adventure, history and time travel.
Awards Potential
This does not have awards potential. It is an entertaining children's story. It is solid but nothing out of the ordinary.
Envisioned Budget
MEDIUM BUDGET
Similar Films/TV Series
A WRINKLE IN TIME, ARTEMIS FOWL
What’s New About the Story
The story is original because of the ideology around time travel. Marged also gets to interact with people of all time periods, races and cultures. It would be more refreshing to see people of color coming from time periods where they are not oppressed. Native Americans and Black people can be seen in other time in history that do not reinforce trauma and discrimination when they have rich histories outside of it.
Lead Characters
The lead characters is an inquisitive and brave young girl who decides to take action and help those lost in time. She is a good character for the demographic who takes action when she sees people in need. Marged wasn't afraid to go on an adventure and help others.
Uniqueness of Story
This is not a rare gem. It is an average story with some fun elements. It could be more unique if set in a different place. Marged lives in Wales which is the site of the cave even though people from all over the world end up there. While Wales is not seen often in films, the UK is and this story can take place anywhere. A young girl who helps people get back to there time could happen in India, Afghanistan, Kenya, Egypt, Chile, Peru, The Philippines, etc. That is also an opportunity to learn about and explore other culture's views on time travel.
Possible Formats
Film: Streaming TV Series: Limited Run / Mini-Series, Streaming, Cable
Analyst Recommendation
WORK IN PROGRESS
Justification
While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.
Tips for Improvement
To change this story to a consider, more diversity and handling of race should be taken. There should be a driving plot possibly that the window of time to get everyone back to their time is closing because Caradoc is dying and it will end the time portal. Maybe there is an external force threatening to trap a famous traveler to alter time to their advantage. There needs to be more suspense.