RELIGION, DRAMA

Larry follows in his father's footsteps as a teenager falling into a life of drugs and crime. Eventually Larry sorts himself out after tragedy strikes his father. With his new found handle of life, Larry is able to help others get back on their feet. Eventually Larry is able get a complete second chance at happiness after falling in love.

FAIR

FIRST PERSON

Authors Writing Style: EXCELLENT

Characterization: GOOD

Commerciality: FAIR

Franchise Potential: FAIR

Pace: FAIR

Premise: GOOD

Structure: FAIR

Theme: FAIR

The book focuses on a large scope of Larry's entire life with equal parts childhood, rebellion and redemption. The development pitch gives off the feeling that the narrative mainly focuses on the rebellion so by explaining more the scope, the broad spectrum will be more expected in terms of genre and tone.

The perspective of a child watching the downfall of their father while being old enough to realize its not always the father's choice to make bad choices is unique. For the child to then make some of the same choices but change their fate is also an unexpected avenue of development.

The main conflict isn't apparent for the first and ending part of the book. This delays the pacing of the plot as the beginning childhood lacks conflict for a while and the change in Larry deciding to good also doesn't have a central conflict as the father's choices had been resolved.

THE STORY RELIES A LITTLE BIT ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

The hook is that Lemus' s valid revenge seeking is his downfall and his son has to fight to end the cycle of revenge within himself but not before making a few mistakes. This revenge seeking is relatable, but the change is admirable.

This could potentially have a large fanbase if the scope of Larry's life and redemption are shortened in order to focus on maintaining rising actions in the main conflict. This minimizing would make the main conflict easier to follow for a general audience.

Larry and Lemus both have the potential as dynamic characters to garner awards as their characters have a range of extreme experiences and emotions that would get them noticed and nominated if done well.

MEDIUM BUDGET

OZARK, AMERICAN DREAMS, REVENGE, THE WIRE, THE BLACK DONNELLYS,

Recognizing the cycle of revenge and self-abuse before it is too late and then to go further in turning not only one's own life around but helping others is a unique perspective and snapshot within a conflict. By focusing less on the childhood without problems and the lull in conflict in after redemption, the shorter timeframe will retain more tension.

Larry is risky but wise. Lemus is pitiable but reckless. Larry's wisdom from his father's demise helps him change his risky behavior to trusting himself enough to be able to take risks in helping other people.

The redemption arc is nice to see, but the main conflict is inconsistent creating a long resolution and introduction that are good for world building but lack rising actions.

Film - Indie, Film - Streaming, TV Series - Cable, TV Series - Limited Run / Mini-Series, TV Series - Streaming

WORK IN PROGRESS

While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.

By condensing the timeline of events to be more centered around the main conflict rather than the characters, the characters will still be developed but the tension will be maintained and engaging as the plot develops. Also the smaller cast of characters will be easier to follow in a shortened snapshot of Larry's life which also leads to greater emotional investment and clearer internal conflicts.