SUSPENSE, THRILLER, DRAMA

Maggie's husband dies and she is forced to move back in with her mother and their two young kids. The grandmother, Momma C, gives the children protective necklaces. She reveals to Maggie that she has been talking to spirits that helped get revenge for their husbands deaths. Maggie's brother returns and they fear Momma C is making blood sacrifices in order to keep them safe.

FAIR

THIRD PERSON

Authors Writing Style: FAIR

Characterization: FAIR

Commerciality: FAIR

Franchise Potential: GOOD

Pace: FAIR

Premise: FAIR

Structure: FAIR

Theme: FAIR

The book somewhat reflects the narrative. The development pitch is better suited as a logline and the logline could be part of the development pitch. The development pitch could benefit from being lengthened to include themes to help express why the story is unique and marketable. The profile also mentions that there is 82 pages when the file is only 33 pages.

It is suspicious why the grandmother is so fixated on strawberries and seems more concerned about everyone wearing their necklaces rather than what is causing her daughter to be so ill. Giving Momma C irrational fears but not making her afraid of what everyone else is creates tension that she knows more than she is telling.

There are jumps in the pacing and chronology of events that make the plot somewhat hard to follow. For example when the brother returns and Maggie shares what Momma C did but it mainly skips over the story cutting to his reaction. The pacing can be too fast at times so showing instead of telling could even this out.

THE STORY RELIES A LITTLE BIT ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

The hook is that the grandmother's husband and son-in-law were both murdered and she uses witchcraft to protect her family and seek revenge.

With further character development this could have a decent audience for fans of horror movies as there is a neat dynamics of antagonism. It is not clear if the grandmother is helping or harming her family in a morally grey type of tension.

Due to the horror genre this is unlikely to win any prestige awards but might be commercially popular.

MEDIUM BUDGET

AMERICAN HORROR STORY, PRACTICAL MAGIC, THE CONJURING, GRETEL & HANSEL, HEREDITARY

The antagonist possibly being the grandmother is compelling but refining her motivation as well as adding depth to the other characters outside of just reactions could help make the interactions feel more dynamic.

Momma C is confident, protective and a bit misguided. Maggie is confused, compliant but also caring. Bramlett is inquisitive, cynical and direct.

Creating clear inner conflicts for the characters and connecting the flashbacks more clearly to the main conflict could help create a pacing and structure that is easier to follow.

Film: Streaming, Indie TV Series: Streaming, Limited Run / Mini-Series

WORK IN PROGRESS

While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.

Creating more depth and clear motivation and inner conflicts for the characters would help create further emotional investment for the plot. Making sure the subplots are clearly connected to the main conflict and providing a more linear timeline could also help slow down the pacing and create a structure that is easier to follow.