A Convict's Story
ACTION ADVENTURE DRAMA CRIME HISTORICAL FICTION ROMANCE
18th Century
Kelli Bonadio
Logline
In the 18th century, Great Britain emptied their prisons and sent the guilty to an Australian penitentiary. Miss Helena Sunshine was one of them. As Brandon and Helena form an intricate bond, Captain Applebee keeps his promise and returns… Who she will choose?
Genre
Action,Adventure,Drama,Crime,Historical Fiction,Romance
Short Summary
Miss Helena Sunshine was youngest convicts wtih nineteen, she boards a ship and immediately finds herself ensconced in a cell that holds many. The captain opens Helena’s mind and heart to love. Having to leave behind her first love, Helena is placed in the hands of Warden Brandon Rossi.
As Helena begins to mature and learning life’s lessons from the backstories of convicts and she fights with Warden Brandon, but they falling love. Captain Applebee came back, and she is assassinated by a friend and the second book begins.
Setting
In Great Britain and Australia
Based on a True Story
No
Plot - Premise
Internal Journey/Rebirth
Plot - Other Elements
Coming of Age
Mature Audience Themes
Nudity,Sexual Abuse
Main Character Details
Name: Helena is a girl that after same terrible experiencies her strength intensifies, Helena’s emotions and desires become linked with the warden who has strong opinions.
Age: 18 until 40 years old
Gender: Female
Role: Protagonist
Key Traits: Charming,Obedient,Complex,Confident,Decisive,Desperate
Additional Character Details
Name: Brandon
Age: 29 until 40
Gender: Male
Role: Skeptic
Key Traits: Masculine,Aggressive,Confident,Power Hungry,Honorable,Leader
Additional Character Details
The author has not yet written this
Additional Character Details
The author has not yet written this
Development Pitch
In the 18th century, Great Britain found a solid solution on how to build the new colony of Australia on the continent of Oceania; they emptied their prisons and sent the guilty to an Australian penitentiary. Miss Helena Sunshine is among a group of people that good citizens see as the sludge of society. Being one of the youngest convicts at the age of nineteen, she boards a ship and immediately finds herself ensconced in a cell that holds many. She finds herself comforted by a woman named Calamity who brings changes to Helena’s life the instant they become friends. Standing at the helm of the ship of pain is Captain Frederico Applebee. Instantly, he finds himself attracted to the young convict when she risks her life to save a child she barely knows. The captain opens Helena’s mind and heart to love. By offering her a promise to one day return, she is given the glimmer of hope she will need in order to survive an uncertain future. Having to leave behind her first love, Helena is placed in the hands of Warden Brandon Rossi. As Helena begins to mature, she faces down the ultimate master of the prison by bringing forth ideas that will do everything from cause riots to allow inmates to live better lives while serving their debts to society. Learning life’s lessons from the backstories of convicts who share how and why they came to be prisoners; Helena gathers power and fights for her rights, as well as the rights of many. However, seeing between lies and facts is difficult, and
Genre
ROMANCE, DRAMA
Brief
Helena is a prisoner sent to Australia to work while she awaits the end of her sentence. She gets involved in the boat crossing with the captain of the ship and then with the farmer who welcomes her to his farm.
Overall Rating
FAIR
Narrative Elements
Authors Writing Style: FAIR
Characterization: FAIR
Commerciality: FAIR
Franchise Potential: FAIR
Pace: FAIR
Premise: GOOD
Structure: FAIR
Theme: FAIR
Accuracy of Book Profile
It does, but the author could include more characters in the profile.
Draw of Story
The ship full of female prisoners is an exciting and even original start. Keeping up with these prisoners and their stories during the trip is interesting indeed.
Possible Drawbacks
Helena is too strong a character to accept so much abuse from male characters. This resignation on her part sounds incoherent.
Use of Special Effects
THE STORY DOES NOT RELY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS
Primary Hook of Story
The hook is seeing Helena between two men and having to survive constant abuse.
Fanbase Potential
The premise of the inmate woman who will work in another country while she waits for her sentence to end is quite intriguing and efficient as a way to attract fans. However, Helena ends up being presented as a weak woman who gives in to male abuse, taking away the story's strength and potential.
Awards Potential
The premise has the potential for awards if the narrative focuses on this woman who struggles to rebuild her life. If the focus follows Helena's love affairs and the way she uses her sexuality to achieve little things, the potential diminishes.
Envisioned Budget
LARGE BUDGET
Similar Films/TV Series
365 DAYS: A WOMAN IS KIDNAPPED AND BEGINS TO SHOW AFFECTION FOR HER KIDNAPPER. THE LOST HUSBAND: A WOMAN LOSES HER HUSBAND, MOVES TO AN AUNT'S FARM IN TEXAS, AND MEETS A LOCAL FARMER. SHE COMES TO SEE LIFE WITH A NEW PERSPECTIVE.
What’s New About the Story
The crossing of women prisoners on a ship to Australia is original. We usually see men in this situation in movies and series, and getting to know the backstories of these women during the hostile crossing is quite interesting.
Lead Characters
Helena is, at first, a strong woman who fights for a change and a new beginning. Even knowing her conditions as a convict, she maintains a positive attitude. However, Helena gets a bit lost when it comes to affection. She gives herself to hostile men and accepts their atrocities, which sounds incoherent to the character we met in the ship's hold. Captain Applebee and Brandon are evil and insecure men who try to imprison Helena for her apparent professional and social position. Both end up sounding very similar, and a bigger distinction between them would be perfect.
Uniqueness of Story
It is not a rare gem because it ends up falling into the tropes of the toxic relationship between men and women, on the fragile and beautiful woman who attracts the attention of brutal men. However, it has some original elements attached to it.
Possible Formats
Film: Indie, Studio
Analyst Recommendation
WORK IN PROGRESS
Justification
While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.
Tips for Improvement
It would be interesting to see the protagonist deceiving these brutal men. See her using the affection they both showed her to get what she wants. However, this is not what we see. She initially uses Captain Applebee to place orders with her imprisoned friends. However, it soon becomes noticeable that she does become fond of him, even though he visibly sexually uses her. Despite her young age, she looks like a strong, intelligent woman, and that kind of portrait as a fragile woman who falls in love with her tormentor doesn't sound coherent. With Brandon happens the same. The farmer keeps her a prisoner on his farm, locked up so she can't run away, and even when they're having a loving relationship, he continues to behave in the same way. It seems inconsistent for her character to give herself so fervently to a man who distrusts her daily and keeps her locked up at home, in addition to the hostile way he treats her every day. The love stories are at the center of the narrative, and a change in the way these relationships happen could make the story more current and more potent for its female protagonist.