Alien Syndrome

Larry Kipp

Book Cover

GENRE

ACTION ADVENTURE APOCALYPTIC DETECTIVE DRAMA FANTASY SCI-FI WAR

    Core Theme

    SURVIVAL

    TIME PERIOD

    2000s,Contemporary

    COMPARABLE TITLES

    INDEPENDENCE DAY

    CHARACTER LIST

    COLONEL JOHN BROWN - 41, A AIR FORCE PILOT WHO'S WIFE AND SON ARE BOTH SICK WITH THE ALIEN SYNDROME.

    DR. REGINALD - 39, A COMPUTER EXPERT GETS AN ALIEN FIGHTER SHIP WORKING BY CRACKING THEIR COMPUTER CODE.

    DR. HENNING - 45, A SCIENTIST WHO HAS DECODED THE ALIEN LANGUAGE.

    CAPTAIN WINSTON BULLOCK – 29, A HARD CHARGING NAVY SEAL READY TO TAKE THE FIGHT TO THE ALIENS.

    TODD – BROWN'S SON, WHO IS TERMINALLY ILL WITH THE ALIEN SYNDROME.

    LIZZI – BROWN'S WIFE, ALSO INFECTED WITH THE SYNDROME BUT HER CONDITION IS MANAGEABLE.

    Logline

    A world devastated by a thwarted alien attack realize the aliens left some things behind. Mass extinction is possible but something else could be even worse.

    Genre

    Action,Adventure,Apocalyptic,Detective,Drama,Fantasy,Sci-fi,War

    Target Audiences

    Age: 13-17,18-34,35-54,55+

    Target Gender: Universal

    Setting

    World-wide, but mostly Sacramento and New Zealand.

    Based on a True Story

    No

    Starting Description

    Following a failed alien invasion eight years ago people, especially children, begin to lose cognitive ability and ultimately die. This "Alien syndrome" is treated as a continuation of the alien attack, but our medicine isn't good enough to find an answer...yet.

    Ending Description

    Alien ships in Antarctica are found and one is boarded. Our team downloads the alien medical database and a fight ensues. During their escape they find four other ships using their weapons to open a super volcano at the Terror Rift in the Ross Sea. Stopping them becomes our team's last effort.

    Pitch Adaptation

    When the alien attack eight years ago is renewed, it’s up to an Air Force Colonel, a former Olympic Biathlon silver medalist, and a computer nerd to hunt the aliens down before they kill again. The aliens set the world back a hundred years, and children are dying of Alien Syndrome. Our three heroes set out to find a cure, and discover the aliens never left, and are creating a super volcano to create the world they want. Stopping this extinction event is the only thing that matters.

    WGA Number

    The author has not yet written this

    Mature Audience Themes

    Language/Profanity

    Plot - Other Elements

    Twist

    Plot - Premise

    Overcoming Monster/Villain,Quest

    Main Character Details

    Name: Colonel John Brown

    Age: 41

    Gender: Male

    Role: Protagonist

    Key Traits: Complex,Desperate,Faithful,Heroic,Leader,Underdog,Outspoken,Unapologetic

    Additional Character Details

    Name: Dr. Margret Henning, M.D

    Age: 45

    Gender: Female

    Role: Logical

    Key Traits: Charming,Complex,Confident,Flexible,Educated,Outspoken,Sophisticated

    Additional Character Details

    Name: Dr. Julius Reginald

    Age: 39

    Gender: Male

    Role: sidekick

    Key Traits: Complex,Engaging,Educated,Underdog,Modest,Skillful,Visionary,Lone Wolf

    Additional Character Details

    Name: Captain Winston Bullock, Navy Seal

    Age: 29

    Gender: Male

    Role: antagonist

    Key Traits: Aspiring,Badass,Aggressive,Confident,Decisive,Heroic,Honorable,Leader,Masculine

    Supplemental Materials

    Information not completed

    Genre

    ACTION, WAR, FANTASY

    Brief

    Years after a devastating alien invasion Colonel Brown's family is being torn apart by a cruel extraterrestrial disease that affects humans and aliens alike. When a small force of surviving aliens tries to wipe out humanity by triggering a supervolcano, Brown's mission saves the planet and turns up medical knowledge that saves his family.

    Overall Rating

    FAIR

    Point of View

    SCRIPT

    Narrative Elements

    Authors Writing Style: FAIR

    Characterization: FAIR

    Commerciality: FAIR

    Franchise Potential: FAIR

    Pace: GOOD

    Premise: FAIR

    Structure: FAIR

    Theme: FAIR

    Accuracy of Book Profile

    Yes, but the plot description, particularly the ending, should be more clear.

    Draw of Story

    The opening into a world already recovering from a years ago invasion is a solid concept that is less used in alien invasion movies. Though there are important pieces of information only made clear to the reader and not the viewer. The illness is at the beginning, which is where it should be.

    Possible Drawbacks

    This script is not written in screenplay format. There are typos and errors in description, some of which make the action hard to follow. The blatant copying from the movie Independence Day undermines the story and any suspense for the plot. The exposition is often contained in long scenes with excessive technological and scientific jargon.

    Use of Special Effects

    THE STORY RELIES HEAVILY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

    Primary Hook of Story

    The opening into a world already recovering from a years ago invasion is a solid concept that is less used in alien invasion movies. Though there are important pieces of information only made clear to the reader and not the viewer. The illness is at the beginning, which is where it should be.

    Fanbase Potential

    No. The Independence Day sequel didn't do well and the idea of that same world with a disease that attacks children isn't an easy sell. The bulk of this narrative is derivative and the more unique element is underdeveloped.

    Awards Potential

    No. The only category this could be a contender would be special effects and this doesn't appear likely to break any new ground.

    Envisioned Budget

    LARGE BUDGET

    Similar Films/TV Series

    INDEPENDENCE DAY

    What’s New About the Story

    Very little about this story is original, but the idea of the alien syndrome being a disease that affects people and the aliens is the most unique feature. However it is a problem usually in the background and easily solved, especially for being the title subject.

    Lead Characters

    Brown's willingness to fly by the seat of his pants without approval is his most engaging characteristic.

    Uniqueness of Story

    No. Major plot elements and specific devices (alien talking through a person, dropping shields through computers) are lifted directly from a highly successful alien invasion movie. To be rare, this can't be a rehash of something already made. This should take elements are less familiar, like the syndrome or the Mole, and build on them.

    Possible Formats

    Analyst Recommendation

    WORK IN PROGRESS

    Justification

    This is Independence Day fan-fiction. Key elements are seemingly cut and pasted from this already very successful film. The writing is disjointed and only passingly resembles screenplay format. The pace is interrupted by long dissertations of technological gibberish. The emotional relationship between John Brown and his son at the core of the movie is underdeveloped. The protagonists don't undergo any great change or creatively overcome many obstacles to achieve the outcome.

    Tips for Improvement

    Either find a fresh way of telling a big budget alien invasion that can easily differentiate itself from previous offerings or develop the admittedly heavier topic of disease into a dramatic but resonate focus. Professional quality writing in structure, format and style. More developed characters and backstories. More obstacles overcome in a more creative fashion. Finding this story's own two legs so that it's not a direct imitation of Independence Day.

    Brief

    Years after a devastating alien invasion Colonel Brown's family is being torn apart by a cruel extraterrestrial disease that affects humans and aliens alike. When a force of surviving aliens tries to wipe out humanity by triggering a supervolcano, Brown's mission saves the planet and turns up medical knowledge that saves his family.

    What We Liked

    There is a resonant twist on the familiar idea of an alien invasion with the plausible effect of such an invasion leaving behind a disease for which humanity has no cure.

    The Alien Syndrome as a film has the spectacle of alien invasion movies past with an intimate, emotional twist. In a world where defeating the alien battleships was only the beginning the threat of losing loved ones continues quietly in the home. In this world the path to a new life lies not only in blowing them up but learning from what they know. With daring and a little bit of luck a small group of heroes proves that saving the world can be as big as everyone and just as importantly, the ones we care about.

    Key points:
    Popcorn cinema.
    Developed world.
    Sense of humor.
    Tentpole foundations.
    Emotional stakes.

    Synopsis

    In an Earth where major cities have been reduced to rubble and people have been forced back in time Colonel Brown and wife Lizzi learn their son is terminally ill with the 'Alien Syndrome' a disease that attacks the brain stem which arrived with the aliens and affects both species. Though humanity took out the invasion mothership eight years ago, it's believed more could come.

    With the help of Dr. Reginald and Dr. Henning, Colonel Brown gets a captured alien fighter up and running. As they zip through the stratosphere they take alien fire from Campbell Island, just south of New Zealand. Having believed the aliens wiped out they are surprised when a satellite locates five alien battleships. A commando raid sees the squidlke aliens disable the soldiers with an ESP ability kill some and take the rest prisoner.

    In California Brown says goodbye to his son, who is too weak to respond. They develop a plan of attack the involves imitating alien communication and exploiting their strict hierarchy by pretending to the the 'boss'. They raid the island and overrun the place by protecting themselves from the alien's ESP with aluminum foil on their heads.

    They find an alien craft which bore through the earth using teleportation they dub a 'Mole' and which contains medical data on its computers. The latter may be needed as Brown learns his son and wife are in the hospital. Brown and a few others are attacked by an alien fighter and flee underground using the Mole. When they emerge the other commandos are dead. The military locates two alien battleships firing at a tectonic rift, attempting to cause a supervolcano that will wipe out humanity. They attempt a nuclear strike but the battleships survive and keep firing, while the other three move to the area. Brown and the survivors decide to launch and attack using the Mole.

    After several pit-stops they punch through the hull of a battleship. Killing Aliens as they go Henning and Reginald momentarily take control of the ship while Brown commandeers a fighter. A fight in the control room leaves the ship beginning to roll while still firing. The humans flee in a scout ship pursued by two fighters while the roiling battleship destroys another battleship. They activate a computer code that disables the fighters and the rolling ship, but the latter has done enough damage to open a vent of magma that erupts and destroys the remaining battleships.

    Back in the US Todd is cured using the medical knowledge downloaded from the alien ship. Dr Henning confirms their worst fears. The initial invasion was only a strike force and a much larger mother ship is on its way.

    About The Author

    Larry Kipp is a former combat veteran and college professor.