Genre

ROMANCE, DRAMA, MATURE AUDIENCE

Brief

A celebrity family has their world rocked when the matriarch is killed in cold blood by a man targeting her husband. Her husband is racked with grief, missing his soulmate and trying to be remotely stable for his children, who are both young adults. The gunman is charged with her murder and found guilty, but it’s a small comfort. The husband decides to kill himself to join his love in whatever world comes next, but first he writes an autobiography of their life together.

Overall Rating

FAIR

Point of View

THIRD PERSON

Narrative Elements

Authors Writing Style: FAIR

Characterization: FAIR

Commerciality: FAIR

Franchise Potential: FAIR

Pace: FAIR

Premise: FAIR

Structure: FAIR

Theme: FAIR

Accuracy of Book Profile

Overall the book profile accurately reflects the book. The logline appears to be unfinished on the page, though. Juan Garcia also has two character entries, and perhaps Kierney could be included here instead.

Draw of Story

The Diamonds’ lifestyle is lavish and fun to explore for an audience who doesn’t have nearly that level of wealth. Audiences have always loved the draw of the rich and famous, and this is no exception. The love that Jeff and Lynn have for each other is also clear on the page, which is fantastic.

Possible Drawbacks

The pacing of the book is very slow, which is not helped by the epic number of pages. The plot is not meaty enough to support its length, hence the dragging pace. Potentially trimming hundreds of pages could form this into a romance book that really packs a punch due to Lynn’s death and the ensuing court trial. As it stands, there is not always a compelling reason to continue reading. The relationship between Jeff and Kierney also feels disturbing and borderline incestuous a number of times, which will be described more below.

Use of Special Effects

THE STORY DOES NOT RELY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

Primary Hook of Story

Jeff and Lynn’s eternal love is the singular hook in the novel. It’s clear that they genuinely care for one another, and it’s great that they’re so open about how they feel about each other. They engage with one another emotionally, sexually, and as the best of friends. Theirs really is an impressive love story, and the grief at that being cut tragically short is apparent.

Fanbase Potential

It’s unlikely this would have a large fanbase unless the story adapted was more focused. Right now, there’s not a specific audience being targeted, nor is it universal. It’s difficult to connect with Jeff or his children due to their extreme wealth and celebrity, which makes it difficult for a fanbase to grow. Jeff is at times sympathetic because of his past struggles with mental health, but those don’t feel current or organic.

Awards Potential

If the story were streamlined and focused either on Jeff’s characterization or the court case, and if more plot were inserted, it’s possible to see awards potential for the leading actors.

Envisioned Budget

LOW BUDGET

Similar Films/TV Series

P.S. I LOVE YOU THE PAINTED VEIL AMOUR, THE CHOICE

What’s New About the Story

The only element that stands out as truly original is the Diamond family’s wealth and celebrity. Unfortunately, this ultimately works against the story by making the characters less relatable to an audience. Some of the court trial proceedings could be original, since the family is watching their wife/mother’s killer be tried. However as there is no new or exciting information presented during the trial, that’s not the case. For the story to stand out as unique, something unique must occur within it. The fact that Lynn is murdered is unique, especially as she’s a public figure, but that occurs in the first 30 pages. The following 670 pages lack that element of surprise or originality.

Lead Characters

The key thing that stands out about the lead characters is their fabulous wealth and celebrity, as well as their philanthropic deeds. Unfortunately, the audience is largely only told about those deeds which happened in the past are are not shown within the present day timeline of the story. This also happens with Jeff. Jeff isn’t really shown actively being good at anything, the audience is just told that he is perfect at nearly everything. He can even do the lawyers’ jobs for them. Jeff’s relationship with his children stands out, but in a somewhat negative light. The way he talks about and behaves toward Kierney often feels uncomfortable and near-incestuous, especially because it’s drawn in sharp contrast to the way he treats his son. When in Jeff’s point of view, Kierney is referred to as “the sultry teenager” (125) and he calls her “hot and sweet” (121). Jeff even makes a gay joke when Jet kisses him on the cheek, but he and Kierney are unnervingly physical throughout the book.

Uniqueness of Story

This book unfortunately isn’t a rare gem. Besides their celebrity and philanthropic work, nothing stands out about these characters. Their wealth, talent, and popularity works against them, because they’re all virtually perfect and thus not relatable to the audience. They have no flaws, and they feel flat. Beyond that, the story simply isn’t compelling. It feels like lessons are being taught to the audience about having a vibrant sex life, raising children, and being aware of one’s prejudices against others. While all those might be good messages, it feels often like Jeff is lecturing to others (and, by extension, the audience), and the plot stalls as a result. Finding a way to move the story forward in an organic way is necessary, and trimming pages is a good place to start. The story has to be pushed along for a reason, whereas the plot here is simply unfolding the way it would in real life. Jeff has very little impact on what happens next. Someone is killed, so there’s a murder trial, and thus the perpetrator is found guilty. There are no surprises, and Jeff’s presence in the story has no marked effect on that happening.

Possible Formats

Film - Streaming

Analyst Recommendation

WORK IN PROGRESS

Justification

The pacing of the book is very slow, which is not helped by the epic number of pages. The plot is not meaty enough to support its length, hence the dragging pace. Potentially trimming hundreds of pages could form this into a romance book that really packs a punch due to Lynn’s death and the ensuing court trial. As it stands, there is not always a compelling reason to continue reading. The relationship between Jeff and Kierney also feels disturbing and borderline incestuous a number of times, which will be described more below.

Tips for Improvement

Unfortunately the Diamond family isn’t very likable from the jump, because they’re simply a perfect, rich family. There are many scenes right off the bat that show how much of a happy, perfect family they are which don’t move the plot along. They’re not suddenly made likable or empathetic just because Lynn dies. She’s also far more likable than Jeff in the opening pages, and then she is, of course, lost. It’s also great that they’re charitably minded, but acting as though they solved poverty or world hunger in “lesser” countries almost comes off as bragging by extremely well-off people. Finding a way to empathize them to the audience is necessary. A way to do this might be to lean into any flaws they have, as well as showing them having more agency within the plot. The pace drags within the book because the plot is unfocused and not being driven forward by anything other than the calendar. If this is about Jeff writing the book, then it should be about that. It doesn’t transition into that until the last 100 pages. Similarly, if this is about reincarnation, then it should focus on that. It’s not clear why this story needs to be told. The majority of the book is eaten up by Garcia’s trial. While court cases are a popular thing to depict in media, that’s not the case here. It’s not interesting to watch a court case if there’s nothing shocking to it. The audience already knows who killed Lynn, he’s arrested right away, and he’s found guilty. The audience isn’t being convinced of his guilt, or of anything else. Typically this kind of story would involve a twist like Jeff somehow being framed for Lynn’s death, or potentially those around him suspecting him of being involved. There’s nothing shocking or unpredictable here. The following are smaller notes, but they impact the readability. The italicized font is difficult to read on the page. Characters being referred to as epithets instead of their names make the story difficult to follow, for instance, Jeff being “the skilled negotiator” (89) or “the hard-working celebrity” (695). This is a mistake seen in inexperienced writing, and in this novel these are used frequently and for nearly every character. This makes for a muddied read, and simply using the characters’ names is cleaner. The repetition of using character names is less distracting than using epithets, and it requires less from the reader as they don’t have to puzzle out which character is being referred to. Garcia is repeatedly referred to in racist ways, such as “beige offender” (260) and even “spic” (183). The characters even make fun of his accent and broken English. This is off-putting, even if he is a murderer.