Hand of Fatima
GENRE
ACTION DRAMA POLITICAL ROMANCE SUSPENSE / THRILLER WAR
Core Theme
THE QUEST FOR TRUTH.
TIME PERIOD
2000s
COMPARABLE TITLES
HOUSE OF CARDS, STATE OF PLAY, BODY OF LIES
CHARACTER LIST
• HOLLY: 40S. LEAD. WAR WIDOW, SMART, DEVOTED, DETERMINED
• ALEX: 35, FORMER MILITARY, SEEKS THE TRUTH, CHARMING, FRIEND OF JAKE’S AND POSSIBLE LOVE INTEREST FOR HOLLY
• TJ: 35, FORMER MILITARY, STRONG, FRIEND OF JAKE’S
• TARIG: 30S, LIAR, TRAITOR, MANIPULATIVE, TERRORIST, RESPONSIBLE FOR JAKE’S DEATH
• FRANK: 50S, DISHONEST, CONNIVING, MENTOR AND NEMESIS OF HOLLY
• JONATHAN: 16, NAIVE, AMBITIOUS, HOLLY’S NEPHEW
Logline
Holly's Navy SEAL husband Jake was killed in a classified mission in Afghanistan. She joins a group of survivors to uncover the facts. In that quest they find a larger plot that puts their country in danger and leads to the White House
Target Audiences
Age: 35-54
Target Gender: Universal
Setting
Middle East, New York, Connecticut Washington DC, Camp David,
Based on a True Story
No
Publishing Details
Status: Yes: self-published
Year Published: 2013
Starting Description
Holly a defense analyst, joins a group of SEALS and national security types to determined who betrayed the mission that killed her husband in Helmond Province. Jake's SEAL friends at NSA and the National Sec Counsel to find the truth which uncovers a more sinister plot that leads to the White House
Ending Description
Secret flight for plane coming to Miami, saving teenaged kidnapped victim, underground nuclear test by Iran and justice for SEALS
Group Specific
Information not completed
Hard Copy Available
No
ISBN
Information not completed
Mature Audience Themes
Extreme Violence
Plot - Other Elements
Meaningful Message, Philosophical Questions, Twist
Plot - Premise
Quest
Main Character Details
Name: Holly well educated 40's young looking. Married Jake who was younger and lost him to violent death in war. She is trying to find a new mwaning in her life.She cares about the direction of the country as well as her loss.Uses her knowledge to make sense of it and help her country.
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Role: Protagonist
Key Traits: Complex, Religious, Funny, Strong Moral Code, Aggressive, Blunt, Empathetic, Faithful, Patriotic, Romantic, Sexy, Charming, Educated, Leader
Additional Character Details
Name: Alex
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Role: Protagonist
Key Traits: Leader, Patriotic, Strong Moral Code, Aggressive, Complex, Honorable, Heroic, Masculine, Sexy, Blunt, Charming, Heartthrob, Perseverance, Skillful, Badass, Extraordinary Powers and Abilities, Faithful
Additional Character Details
Name: TJ
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Role: sidekick
Key Traits: Badass, Funny, Heartthrob, Heroic, Masculine, Aggressive, Honorable, Outspoken, Patriotic, Sexy, Strong Moral Code, Extraordinary Powers and Abilities
Additional Character Details
Name: Ann
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Role: Sidekick
Key Traits: Sexy, Strong Moral Code, Beautiful, Secretive, Selfless, Aspiring, Decisive, Empathetic, Extraordinary Powers and Abilities, Heroic, Insecure, Adventurous, Honorable, Lone Wolf, Patriotic, Complex
Genre
THRILLER, DRAMA, POLITICS, WAR
Brief
When a deadly explosion kills a Navy SEAL and injures his team in Afghanistan, the survivors team up with his widow to discover the truth about the incident. Together they discover a clandestine plot by the United States president to go behind the backs of Congress and the American people to secure his legacy of bringing peace to the Middle East.
Overall Rating
GOOD
Narrative Elements
Authors Writing Style: GOOD
Characterization: GOOD
Commerciality: EXCELLENT
Franchise Potential: EXCELLENT
Pace: FAIR
Premise: EXCELLENT
Structure: GOOD
Theme: GOOD
Accuracy of Book Profile
The script profile is accurate.
Draw of Story
Actually, it does take a bit to get going. It starts off with a graphic war scene in a cold open of sorts, but then once back in the states, it takes several pages to re-engage, weed through a lot of characters and get to the meat of the story.
Possible Drawbacks
The script is not really in an industry standard format. There are no proper slug lines, is overrun with way too much exposition and just flat out has way too many pages. At least 60 pages of the script need to come out before it would be ready to submit.
Use of Special Effects
THE STORY RELIES A LITTLE BIT ON SPECIAL EFFECTS
Primary Hook of Story
The technology and unique premise.
Fanbase Potential
As a film, this would probably draw a relatively large fanbase given the genre. The topical and political nature of the story helps make it relevant to an audience.
Awards Potential
It probably wouldn't be an Awards contender since it is very mainstream and the characters aren't particularly deep. However, since it is more plot driven than some films of this genre it has more potential to engage an audience than some.
Envisioned Budget
MEDIUM BUDGET
Similar Films/TV Series
HOUSE OF CARDS, STATE OF PLAY, BODY OF LIES
What’s New About the Story
The creation of a video game to force an issue with politicians and using it like an investigative journalist would use the free press, is a cool element of this story. Paring the story down considerably to tighten up the plot would help button it up into a more unique script.
Lead Characters
This is more of an ensemble piece. But it seems like, Ann, who plays a smaller, but pivotal role, may have been designed as a break out who could have a franchise of her own.
Uniqueness of Story
This actually has a lot going for it. The concept is fantastic. However, the structure of the script is unwieldy. Attention is needed to rework, consolidate and refine the story to make it ready for presentation.
Possible Formats
Film - Indie, Film - Streaming, Film - Studio
Analyst Recommendation
CONSIDER
Justification
This has a terrific premise. There is some considerable potential for it once development has brought some much needed clarity to the story structure.
Brief
When a Navy SEAL is killed and others wounded in an ambush in Afghanistan, the survivors team up with the deceased soldier’s wife to discover the truth behind the incident. In the process, they discover a dangerous plan that leads all the way to the White House.
What We Liked
- The premise is terrific. Using a video game to out a terrorist and force the hand of political leaders is a great touch. There is action, intrigue and interesting plot elements to keep the audience interested.
- The screenplay is most certainly best suited as a feature film as a one off story or even a franchise. However, a television series spin off could easily be made as well by utilizing and expanding an existing smaller character into a new heroine.
- Key points: Plot driven; Strong characters; Strong premise; Timely; Franchise potential.
Synopsis
Navy SEALs are on a classified mission in Afghanistan when they are ambushed during a raid. Jake is killed in the explosion and two others, Alex and TJ, are both seriously injured as well.
Barely a year after the tragic death of her husband, Jake, Holly is trying her best to get by without the closure of knowing the truth about his death. She has relied a lot of an older man named Frank, who knew Jake. She also takes solace in her sister Tara’s embrace of the Jewish religion and enjoys spending time with her nieces and nephews as they celebrate Jewish holidays.
One day coming out of the synagogue, Holly is approached by Alex, claiming that he was with Jake when he died. Holly is skeptical and a bit freaked out even though she thinks Alex is attractive. She checks with Frank, who tells her that Alex is harmless, but now that he is ex-military he is critical of the President. He does this in hopes of getting Holly to back off getting to know Alex, but she isn’t deterred.
Alex approaching Holly tips Frank off that the high level secret from the ambush may be out of the bag. Frank worries that Alex and Holly will team up and discover the truth behind the ambush in Afghanistan and it will be devastating to President’s reputation. He alerts David Lewis, who runs the President’s super PAC, of the situation. David is very interested in this new development since he is trying to help the President facilitate Middle East peace as his presidential legacy and doesn’t want anything to jeopardize that. The President pardoned a terrorist called, Tarig, in exchange for him stopping his jihad and providing the administration with valuable intelligence. He betrayed the President and sabotaged the troops in Afghanistan that led to Jake’s death. If it were to get out to the public, the President’s credibility would be shot. David makes Frank promise to keep that from happening.
The bigger plot that Frank and David are helping the President pull off is risky and has national security implications. The President wants to shut down the Guantanamo Bay prison in Cuba and return the prisoners to Iran as a gesture of good faith if they promise to stop their nuclear proliferation. He does not have the support the United States Congress for giving away prisoners and shutting down the controversial prison, so he is planning the entire plot to happen behind the backs of Congress and the American people. He secretly shuts off surveillance on the White House, the prison and Iran to cover up his machinations.
Holly’s sixteen year old nephew, Jonathan, volunteers for the President’s super PAC. David knows of him and of his relationship to Holly and Jake. It’s easy for David to keep tabs on what Jonathan to find out if Holly said anything to him about the ambush and what he might know relating to the death of his uncle. Jonathan has a crush on Ann. She is the slightly older daughter of a big donor who also works at the PAC. David uses her and her relationship with him to get close to Jonathan.
Meanwhile, Holly talks more to Alex and is introduced to TJ. They believe that Frank and David are covering for the President, but they still want to prove that Tarig betrayed them. Holly’s best friend, Susanna works at the NSA with TJ’s dad, Sean. Susanna and Sean are good friends and bond over their shared Catholic faith. Since they both have a personal stake in the truth, they join in on the quest to get to the bottom of what happened.
It becomes apparent to them that they are being followed. They deduce the tail must be of Frank’s ordering. In an effort to stir the pot and get acknowledgement that they are wise to the cover up, they come up with the idea to develop and create a person to person multiplayer video game based on secret footage from the ambush and call it “Where is Tarig.” The game goes viral and alerts Frank, David and the President that their secret is out.
The President is furious when he sees the game and tells David to handle it. David turns it back on to Frank to handle. Tarig is also inconvenienced by the game. He is living in Egypt and is playing both sides against the middle. Not only has he betrayed the United States President, he is double crossing Iran and the Arab states as well. Tarig, being a pilot is tasked by money man, Massound, to fly to Cuba to retrieve the prisoners from Guantanamo Bay and drop them off in Iran. But his betrayal reaches Massound, who plans to do away with him as a punishment. When Tarig is tipped off that Massound and he share the same girlfriend, Helga, Tarig realizes that she is using him to lure him to his death. He manages save himself from being murdered and he plans to flee to Africa to build terrorist training camps. Massound will now have to find another pilot to carry out the United States President’s wishes.
One of the ways that TJ is able to know for sure that Tarig was at the scene of the ambush and is responsible for Jake’s death is that Tarig stole Jake’s good luck charm, a Hand of Fatima, as a trophy and wears it around his neck. Holly confirms that the piece did belong to Jake. As Holly and her group get closer to uncovering everything, Frank gets more and more unstrung. He decides he needs leverage over Holly to keep her from going to the press with her knowledge. In an effort to fulfill the need, he plans to have Jonathan kidnapped. However, the private eye hired to tail Jonathon doesn’t believe in surveilling children so he tips off the family that Jonathan has been kidnapped.
Ann turns out to be an undercover Mossad agent and she helps to retrieve Jonathan and return him safely to his family. Now that the plot is uncovered, Alex and TJ plan to go on the Sunday shows and tell the world.
The President goes ahead with having the prisoners released from Guantanamo Bay and the board a plane bound for Tehran. However, their plane crashes with no survivors. Now the President has no leverage and the Iranians have dubbed him and are performing underground nuclear testing. The President has been made to look a complete fool. In order to save face, he tries to blame it all on David. However, David refuses to take it and secretly leaks the truth the truth to press. Frank still wants to keep Holly quiet so he goes to her house with plans to kill her. Alex and Holly are exploring starting a romantic relationship with Frank arrives. Alex saves the day by silently killing Frank. He hacks into the database to be sure that Frank’s cause of death will be determined as natural causes.