Escaping Fate (Veredian Chronicles Book 1)
GENRE
FANTASY ROMANCE
Core Theme
ROMANTIC PURSUIT.
TIME PERIOD
The Future,Future
COMPARABLE TITLES
THE HUNGER GAMES, TWILIGHT, DIVERGENT, THE 100
CHARACTER LIST
AMALIA: 30S. LEAD. ESCAPE SLAVE ON THE HUNT FOR A LIFELONG MATE.
KHEL: 30S. ARMY GENERAL AFFLICTED WITH A DEBILITATING DISEASE. AMALIA’S MATE AND LOVE INTEREST.
LHOR: 30S. KHEL’S COUSIN, WHO IS ALSO AFFLICTED. AMALIA’S LOVE INTEREST.
GRUUK: AMALIA’S ENSLAVER. ANTAGONIST.
MAHREVA: AMALIA’S GRANDMOTHER, WHO IS ALSO ENSLAVED.
GHAN: KHEL’S ADVISOR, AND AMALIA’S EVENTUAL FRIEND.
Logline
Escaping Fate is Amalia’s story who, enslaved along with her entire endangered species for their powerful psi abilities, seeks refuge on an alien planet where she finds allies to bring down the empire of her former master.
Target Audiences
Age: 18-34,35-54,55+
Target Gender: Universal
Setting
Alien planet called Xelix Prime
Based on a True Story
No
Publishing Details
Status: Yes: self-published
Publisher: Self-published
Year Published: 2017
Starting Description
Amalia escapes onto Xelix Prime where she marries the General of the Xelixian Army (and later his cousin as well). But she's soon hunted by her former master. Together, they fights back while trying to track down and free the other slaves sold on this planet.
Ending Description
Amalia and her mates kill her former master, dismantle half of the slave houses on Xelix Prime, free many Veredians, and give birth to the first living Veredian male in 150 years, giving a new hope to her nearly extinct species.
Group Specific
Information not completed
Hard Copy Available
Yes
ISBN
Information not completed
Mature Audience Themes
Language/Profanity, Nudity,Nudity, Language/Profanity,Extreme Violence
Plot - Other Elements
Happy Ending, Meaningful Message, Twist,,Meaningful Message,Twist
Plot - Premise
Overcoming Monster/Villain,,Internal Journey/Rebirth
Main Character Details
Name: Amalia Valis
Age: 22
Gender: Female
Role: Protagonist
Key Traits: Extraordinary Powers and Abilities, Outspoken, Religious, Skillful, Engaging, Insecure, Selfless, Charming, Faithful, Honorable, Perseverance, Unapologetic, Adventurous, Badass, Beautiful, Empathetic, Funny, Romantic, Sexy,Adventurous,Aspiring,Badass,Charming,Desperate,Empathetic,Engaging,Heroic,Honorable,Strong Moral Code,Seductive,Romantic,Funny,Sexy,Gracious
Additional Character Details
Name: Khel Praghan
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Role: Protagonist
Key Traits: Faithful, Heroic, Leader, Masculine, Decisive, Aggressive, Blunt, Complex, Engaging, Gracious, Honorable, Outspoken, Adventurous, Sarcastic, Unapologetic, Patriotic, Perseverance, Skillful, Strong Moral Code, Educated, Confident, Insecure, Religious, Romantic, Badass,Adventurous,Badass,Aggressive,Complex,Decisive,Heroic,Educated,Honorable,Insecure,Leader,Strong Moral Code,Unapologetic,Sarcastic,Patriotic,Masculine,Romantic,Skillful,Outspoken,Funny
Additional Character Details
Name: Lhor Kirnhan
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Role: protagonist
Key Traits: Gracious, Masculine, Charming, Empathetic, Flexible, Desperate, Educated, Faithful, Adventurous, Complex, Selfless, Aspiring, Extraordinary Powers and Abilities, Honorable, Romantic, Funny, Modest, Underdog, Engaging, Insecure, Badass, Perseverance, Skillful, Strong Moral Code, Beautiful, Heartthrob, Secretive,Underdog,Masculine,Modest,Charming,Empathetic,Faithful,Selfless,Heartthrob,Educated,Honorable,Insecure,Strong Moral Code,Seductive,Secretive,Funny
Additional Character Details
Name: Ghan Delphin
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Role: sidekick
Key Traits: Adventurous,Badass,Complex,Confident,Decisive,Heroic,Educated,Honorable,Leader,Lone Wolf,Strong Moral Code,Sarcastic,Outspoken,Selfless,Patriotic,Masculine
Genre
ROMANCE, MATURE AUDIENCE, FANTASY
Brief
After escaping her life as a slave, an alien woman attends The Fastening, where she hopes to find a mate to protect her from recapture. But instead of one mate, she finds two, who, along with their army, vows to stop the pervasive slave ring once and for all, no matter the cost.
Overall Rating
GOOD
Narrative Elements
Authors Writing Style: GOOD
Characterization: FAIR
Commerciality: GOOD
Franchise Potential: GOOD
Pace: FAIR
Premise: GOOD
Structure: FAIR
Theme: FAIR
Accuracy of Book Profile
It is accurate.
Draw of Story
The story puts us into the action right away. We get a great sense of who the key players are and it’s quite easy to invest in them, even before their plotlines intersect. We also meet the antagonist early on, which is a smart choice because it allows us to understand his role within the story, and within the extraordinary world. Additionally, each of the characters’ motivations are clear from the beginning, which sets up their arcs nicely and in a digestible way.
Possible Drawbacks
It’s possible that there is a bit too much weight on the sex scenes, to the point that the story toes the line of erotica. While the sentiment works well and goes a long way in developing the character relationships, perhaps some of it needs to be dialed back just a touch so the focus can remain on the overarching storyline. For instance, an audience likely doesn’t need entire dedicated chapters to understand the facets of Amalia’s sexual relationship with Khel. Giving us the basics interwoven with the rest of the storyline is likely to suffice just fine.
Use of Special Effects
THE STORY RELIES HEAVILY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS
Primary Hook of Story
Although this is of the fantasy genre, the story feels like a romance at its core. Erotic through lines aside, it sort of feels along the lines of the Twilight franchise, where a fanbase is likely to engage with Amalia as she tries to choose which man she covets more. Her passion for both Khel and Lhor radiates off the page, which elevates the more serious storyline and balances it in a unique way.
Fanbase Potential
Given the romantic nature of the story, something like this could potentially go the way of the Twilight franchise, in which the question ‘who is she going to choose’ becomes a cultural, conversation-starting pull to the screen. The story also has a lot of great world-building throughout, which could help invest viewers and create a niche community surrounding it (like Harry Potter, Twilight, Divergent, etc).
Awards Potential
Given the genre, an adaptation isn’t likely to have Above the Line Awards potential, but there is still potential Below the Line. A story like this would require clever special effects, expert costuming, choreography, and makeup. All of these could be contenders.
Envisioned Budget
LARGE BUDGET
Similar Films/TV Series
THE HUNGER GAMES, TWILIGHT, DIVERGENT, THE 100
What’s New About the Story
The resolution of the love triangle, surprisingly, works well on the page. It’s likely because of the careful world building and the access to the customs and social norms of this planet that allows the reader to suspend belief enough to buy into it. And yet, both men are also enticing enough that a reader is likely to declare alliance to one or the other, which makes the story easier to invest in. That said, to make it more unique might be dialing back some of the erotica and putting that weight onto the quest to defeat the slave ring. At times, these scenes feel so hot and heavy that the overarching quest takes a back seat to them. A better balance between the two overall is likely to elevate the story and make it feel more well-rounded throughout.
Lead Characters
All the main characters face being social outcasts, which helps bond them together in a cohesive, relatable way. In such an extraordinary world, this gives the reader something to latch onto. Their relationships and feelings for one another also humanizes them a bit, which makes the fantasy elements a bit easier to buy into.
Uniqueness of Story
Although the story has a lot of potential, it doesn’t feel like a rare gem quite yet. Generally, it feels like a better balance should be established between the overarching quest to end the slave ring and the romantic quests of the characters. Some of this may be solved by dialing back the erotica a touch. For instance, we don’t need to know the ins and outs of Lhor’s desire for Amalia until they get together. And we likely don’t need to overextend any of the sex scenes with Khel in order to establish the context of their relationship. Both run the risk of shifting the focus away from the primary action that drives the story to conclusion.
Possible Formats
Film: Studio, Streaming TV Series: Network, Streaming
Analyst Recommendation
CONSIDER
Justification
While the story itself could use some additional work, there is enough here to at least consider adaptation. The world-building is relatively successful, and the characters are all compelling. Generally, it just feels like a bit of a better balance is necessary between two storylines in order to make the story feel well-rounded and dynamic.
Brief
After escaping her life as a slave, an alien woman attends The Fastening, where she hopes to find a mate to protect her from recapture. But instead of one mate, she finds two, who, along with their army, vows to stop the pervasive slave ring once and for all, no matter the cost.
What We Liked
ESCAPING FATE is quirky, eccentric, and unexpected. It does a great job of world-building and character development as the story unravels, taking us through twists and turns as we navigate an alien fantasy world with rules dissimilar from our own, but with a familiar romantic passion that is unescapable on the page.
Film: ESCAPING FATE has franchise potential, thanks to its diverse cast of characters and multiple storylines. There’s enough action and ‘meat’ to fit the feature format, with opportunities for expansion and/or continuity, if required. One of the storylines toes the line of erotica, which if dialed back just a bit, could help the story fit within the romance drama as well as the fantasy genre, attracting a larger target market overall.
TV: ESCAPING FATE could fit the television format quite nicely, thanks to its intricate world-building and character development. There are several storylines to follow as well, which could intercut nicely to weave a compelling, overarching premise to draw fans of the fantasy genre.
Key points:
Franchise potential.
Great character development.
Female-driven.
Potential for dual genre.
Potential for diversity.
Synopsis
KHEL sits alone inside his office, waiting for his cousin, LHOR. Both men come from a long line of prosperous fruit farmers but have been unable to attain their generational land because they are unmarried because of The Taint, a pool of toxins that produces thin black veins across one’s entire body. Khel asks Lhor to join him at The Fastening, his latch ditch attempt to find a mate before the government enacts a law that will seize the land.
AMALIA and NANA MAHEVA are slaves to GRUUK and his right-hand man, DORUK. They live on The Revenant, a slave ship that transports kidnapped women to the highest bidder. The women are raped and tortured by Doruk and his minions, and Amalia is made to watch whenever she steps out of line. Amalia and Maheva are part of a rare species with special abilities. Maheva has the power to heal any wound and Amalia has the power to hack into any system. Their skills are what make them valuable to Gruuk, and Amalia learns that he plans to breed her. She and Maheva decide to enact the escape plan. At the last moment, Gruuk calls on Maheva to heal a group of people, throwing the plan into jeopardy. Maheva demands that
Amalia make her escape alone and attend The Fastening to find a mate. Amalia narrowly escapes from the ship in disguise and makes her way to the capital.
Amalia hacks into an empty seamstress’ apartment and helps herself to food, fresh water, and the first real bed she’s ever slept in. She struggles with the idea of escaping slavery only to become legally attached to another man. The next morning, she selects a dress from the seamstress’ closet, does her best to cover her alien markings, and heads for The Fastening.
She joins a large group of women who are blood tested for levels of oxycontin, a desirable feature for a mate. Amalia tests positive and joins the line. The moderator notices her markings and tells her not to hide them. She hesitates, but eventually agrees, as The Fastening officially begins.
Khel notices Amalia right away, and she slowly makes her way over to him. She oscillates between him and Lhor, eventually settling on Khel. They converse and Khel decides to be honest with her about all the reasons he hopes to find a mate. A warning bell sounds and Amalia is forced to make a decision without the opportunity to tell Khel anything about herself. She chooses him before it’s too late.
Khel and Amalia are joined together by law. During the ceremony, Khel vows to protect Amalia.
DERVHEN, Khel’s nemesis, alludes to taking Amalia for himself if Amalia leaves Khel.
Afterwards, Amalia formally meets Lhor. He flies Khel and Amalia back to the family’s estate.
There, she meets the housekeeper, SIVH, and the groundskeeper, JHOLA. She feels an immediate kinship with Sivh and begins to settle into her new life.
Khel shows Amalia around the house, and she notices that the entire planet is monochrome.
Khel explains that this is because of The Taint. Years ago, after the fruit was pumped full of toxins, The Taint began to seep into everything around it, including all of the houses and furniture. Everything was razed and the people built anew.
The house tour ends in the bedroom, and Amalia begins to undress, as required by law. Khel stops her and assures her that, despite the law, nothing will ever happen between them that she does not welcome. Amalia takes a warm bath and falls asleep beside Khel, thankful that she’s found a protector.
Khel begins to suspect that Amalia is hiding something, and she tells him the truth about Gruuk.
Khel vows to find destroy him and free Nana Maheva and the captured slaves. Meanwhile, Lhor tells us that he can feel Khel’s emotions and has been hiding it from him since childhood. He felt the genuine connection between Khel and Amalia at The Fastening but struggles with his own attraction to her. Khel calls Lhor into his office and reveals Amalia’s secret. He also calls his first officer, GHAN, to see about involving the military in the fight against Gruuk. They vow to keep Amalia safe and break up Gruuk’s slave ring once and for all. Later, Lhor uses a fight simulator to train. He is distracted by Amalia’s presence and gets knocked out. She rushes to him, and he relishes in her touch.
Lhor tells Amalia that he and Khel are Gems, near-twins whose souls cannot exist alone. If Khel were to die, Lhor would soon follow. Amalia begins to understand her draw to him. Later, Khel and Amalia get caught in a rainstorm. Soaking wet, they head towards the shower. They caress each other and consummate their union. Khel drinks some of the oxycontin from Amalia as a way to begin to heal The Taint.
Khel takes Amalia to his office and leaves her alone while he meets with Lhor and Ghan. When he returns, she is hacking the computer system to play a trick on Lhor. When she realizes the severity of what she’s done, Khel assumes she’ll be arrested but Ghan sends her home instead.
He had previously set up traps for her and when it came down to accessing classified files, Amalia didn’t look. Still, he warns Khel to be more careful.
A family advisor, LETHA, arrives under the guise of checking on Amalia. Lhor demands to stay for the conversation as Letha tries to undermine Khel’s relationship with Amalia. Amalia stands up for herself and warns Letha never to return. Then, she invites Lhor to join her for lunch.
Amalia begins having visions of her mother, her aunt, and her deceased sister. Khel decides to teach her how to swim and it quickly turns sexual. Amalia has a vision of Lhor watching them from his room, which pleases her for a reason she doesn’t yet understand.
Khel is away when he receives an urgent call that Amalia is having a seizure. He hurries to herside, and they escort her to the nearest hospital. A DOCTOR and NURSE team examine her, and Khel learns that she has a severe allergy to his family’s fruit. Amalia makes no visible improvement as Khel and Lhor try to get a hold of their family doctor, MINH. Khel receives a ping on his device and realizes that unconscious Amalia is sending him urgent messages. She tells him not to trust the doctor or nurse. Khel and Lhor try to stop medical treatment, but Lhor realizes that they’re being baited. If Khel forbids treatment, Amalia can be taken away from him, and given back to Gruuk. They decide to stall for as long as they can. Thankfully, Minh arrives in the nick of time and prevents any more damage to Amalia.
Amalia hacks the hospital monitoring system to continue to send messages to Khel. She overhears that the doctors are planning to offload her to someone codenamed V, and hurries to have Khel stop it. They are about to board a shuttle when Amalia realizes that it’s been tampered with. She uses the last of her strength to tell Khel and the others to board Minh’s
shuttle instead.
Khel and the others begin to suspect that Letha nefariously prompted Amalia’s seizure. Minh establishes that she is not allergic to the fruit, and the previous hospital’s reports were falsified.
They believe that Letha touched Amalia with a tasteless, odorless, colorless toxin that spread to her brain. Minh puts Amalia into an induced coma, knowing that if she uses her abilities the toxin may cause brain damage.
Ghan arrives with news that the shuttle they were supposed to take had been tampered by an assassin. More so, if they did crash with the defective shuttle, the accident would have looked the same as the one that killed Khel’s parents and brother only a few months prior. The police decide to reopen the case.
While Amalia rests, Khel and Lhor interrogate Letha. They discover that V delivered her the toxin and asked her to touch Amalia with it, to get her to the hospital. The plan was to initiate a case against Khel that would get Amalia taken away. Letha hoped that Amalia would mate with her son, NIVH, and improve her position in life.
Lhor begins to suspect that Dervhen is V and sets out to prove it. The doctor who compromised Amalia’s health is killed in prison, and the nurse goes missing. Meanwhile, his Taint gets worse and he suspects that he has merely weeks to live. He hides it from the others by asking Minh for painkillers.
Ghan and his crew catch YHUL MIRVHEN, the man who falsified the hospital reports. Amalia asks Lhor to teach her how to fight, but he declines. He insists that she never go behind Khel’s back with any sort of request. She touches his hand, and he tries to brush her off by explaining the etiquette of his people. But Amalia doesn’t care. If it is only acceptable to touch her mate, then she reasons that she might need two.
Khel interrogates Mirvhen and learn that Gruuk’s slaves have been sent to Blood houses, places where the females are raped to the point that they produce oxycotin, so that those who suffer from The Taint can drink and heal. Furious, Khel instructs Ghan to remove Mirvhen’s fangs and venom glands, so he can never abuse another female again.
Amalia asks Khel to learn how to fight and he reluctantly agrees. That evening, she has a vision that they will be attacked by missiles. She wakes Khel and tells him to sound the alarm. Khel reaches the danger zone just in time. Amalia stays behind with Lhor, and they struggle with the sexual tension between them.
As Khel teaches Amalia to fight, she becomes increasingly aggressive. She realizes that she is ovulating, and they decide to try to have a child. Being of her species, Amalia is only able to birth girls. Khel wonders if he can promote a female heir. Amalia becomes more and more aggressive, and Khel instructs Minh to find her the rare tea leaves she needs to call her aggression.
The group sets their sights on finding Gruuk. Amalia insists that they use her abilities in their hunt and reluctantly, they all agree. While studying the laws of the land, Amalia discovers that she is allowed to have two mates, but she puts her feelings for Lhor on hold while she prepares to take down her former captor.
The group flies a shuttle towards the Blood houses. Amalia uses her ability to sense when they are close. She begins to sense some of the captives from The Revenant. With the location secured, they return home to plot. Amalia’s aggression takes over and she grows claws and latches on Lhor. The rest of the group tries to pull her off. When Minh examines Lhor after the attack, he reveals that Amalia’s primal side has claimed Lhor as her mate.
When Amalia recovers, Khel instructs her to learn how to use her claws to her benefit. She apologizes for her behavior and struggles with seeing Lhor again. But the battle with Gruuk is soon to begin, and she must face him. The group finalizes their battle plan and Khel instructs Lhor that, if things get out of hand, he must accompany Amalis home. Lhor tries to protest, but
to no avail. Amalia worries about what might happen if she gets aggressive again, but Khel urges her not to worry.
Lhor learns that he has around four days to live, after Amalia’s puncture wounds release the Taint toxins into his bloodstream. He keeps the knowledge to himself, and they go forth with the mission to destroy Gruuk and his operation. Amalia hacks into the Blood House system and puts the security tapes on a loop, so they can pass through unnoticed. They rescue eighty-one females and entrap the guilty men.
Khel presents his findings to his Council, who commends him for his efforts. He reveals that a warrant from a judge will force all council members to take a medical test that, if guilty, will like them to the Blood Houses. Some of them squirm. Khel begins to get dizzy and realizes that he’s feeling Lhor’s pain. He hurries to get to him.
Khel arrives and discovers that Amalia has allowed Lhor to drink from her. He becomes enraged and kicks Lhor out of the house. Minh arrives to tell Khel that Lhor only has a couple of more days to live. The only way to save him is to allow him to continue drinking from Amalia. He urges Khel to consent to Amalia having two mates. Khel begins to regret his outburst, and eventually agrees.
Amalia goes to find Lhor and they sleep together. Khel arrives and they all reconcile. The mating trial finishes, and Amalia takes both men to the official mating ceremony. She is at first denied, until she reminds them of her legal right to choose both mates. The ceremony is concluded. On their way from the building, a battle ensues. All, including Amalia, fight and emerge victorious.
Amalia, Khel, and Lhor settle into life as mates. Khel leads a mission to recover the rest of the slaves, including Nana Mahreva. He faces Gruuk at last, and blows up his shuttle, taking Gruuk and his minions with it. After reuniting with Mahreva, Amalia learns that she is pregnant with twins. All is well at last, as they all settle into their new lives and into peace.