ACTION, ROMANCE, DRAMA, FANTASY

Diana's frequent nightmares turn out to be visions after she visits a dream psychic with her best friend Kendra. The two discover their destiny's lie in another world plane, Ambracor. Diana is really Sindara a princess who must defeat the darkness of other world planes with her newfound love, the prince. Sindara and the prince are able to rescue Ambracor's people, but Sindara herself is saved by her best friend Kendra.

FAIR

THIRD PERSON

Authors Writing Style: FAIR

Characterization: FAIR

Commerciality: FAIR

Franchise Potential: GOOD

Pace: FAIR

Premise: FAIR

Structure: FAIR

Theme: FAIR

The logline's use of they does not differentiate between the group being Sindara and Kendra, Sindara and Thehrund, or the gang. By using the names and not the pronoun this will be more clear who saved the world. In the short summary the jump between the expert and Diana discovering she is Sindara is a bit disjointed compared to longer journey in the narrative. The short summary could show the transition to their discovery as at present it seems somewhat instant when it was not the expert who told them the details about their true selves. The development pitch does a good job summarizing the story, but highlighting the themes of the book such as its over all message could help provide a better sense of why the story is worth consuming rather than just taking other reader's recommendations.

Kendra and Diana's friendship is extremely strong without being codependent. It is a healthy example of female partnership and the depth that personal love can go without turning romantic.

Sometimes the emotions are told rather than shown as are what the characters mean to one another. For example when Brandere visits King Hamund and is disheveled each character is given their emotion rather than shown what they are doing i.e. Hamund hid his surprise but had anxiety about Brandere's appearance. By adding more subtext to the dialogue and showing the emotions through physical responses the scenes will feel more authentically present rather than as afterwards commentary.

THE STORY RELIES HEAVILY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

The hook is that Diana is unaware that she has another life with a prince who is searching for her in another realm, but her subconscious is able to tell her. She is then brought to the other world to fulfill her destiny despite her old normal life as just a brand new bank employee.

Fantasy when coupled with action can have a larger audience than just fantasy, but this may have a smaller audience due to the genre being more focused on fantasy and romance rather than action.

Outside of Lord of the Rings, fantasy does not tend to get nominated for the awards circuits. Depending on the themes when made more apparent, the narrative could potentially garner awards within its genre.

LARGE BUDGET

CURSED, JUPITER ASCENDING, TRU CALLING, THE MAGICIANS, THE KING ETERNAL MONARCH, XENA WARRIOR PRINCESS

The strength is Kendra and Diana's bond as a non-romantic life partnership is compelling. They are end game just as much as their romantic relationships so to consistently focus on their development as a partnership rather than leave out much of their dynamic in the middle of the story during the romantic subplots would help make their friendship a clear focus, more central, and equally important.

Kendra is warm hearted, considerate of others and selfless in that she overcomes her own anxieties to make sure Diana is safe more than once. Diana is surprisingly calm throughout, strong in her survival instincts and openly devoted to those she loves.

The action is easy to follow, but the stakes seem low as there is not any really lasting loss or setback. By showing the characters really struggling, such as a major casualty the weight of their bravery in defeating the darkness will be felt more deeply. There is investment in the protagonist success as good people, but understanding the morality and themes of the story would help better define their external conflicts.

Film - Studio, Film - Streaming, Film - Indie, TV Series - Limited Run / Mini-Series, TV Series - Streaming

WORK IN PROGRESS

While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.

Clarifying the message of why Diana needs to fulfill her destiny and why the darkness needs to be defeated other than darkness is equated with being bad would help make the themes more apparent and add investment to the external conflict. Making Kendra and Sindara's friendship as the central focus throughout even during their romantic subplots would make for a really memorable pair rather than switching the focus to be on Sindara and her prince. Kendra has an equal role in saving Sindara if not greater than Sindara's husband and so she should be more central throughout and not just in the beginning and end.