ACTION, FANTASY

The government institutes a treasure hunt, and some citizens now have the chance to find rings and have a wish accomplished. JJ, the protagonist, is one of these guys who will search for the treasure while he tries to survive in this dangerous journey.

FAIR

THIRD PERSON

Authors Writing Style: FAIR

Characterization: GOOD

Commerciality: GOOD

Franchise Potential: GOOD

Pace: FAIR

Premise: GOOD

Structure: FAIR

Theme: FAIR

It does, but I believe the author should include more characters there.

It has a manga style, with some fantastic features. The story is written as a script, but it's not a script. These particularities drew my attention.

It's very confusing. There are too many characters that are introduced abruptly, and the pace is really quick, so sometimes it's hard to follow the story.

THE STORY RELIES HEAVILY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

I'd say the hook is the manga/anime style. If it becomes a live-action, it'd interesting to see how the filmmakers would produce this narrative visually.

If the author creates a full series based on these characters, it could have a fanbase. However, these characters need further development.

I don't think it has Awards potential, especially narratively speaking. Maybe, it could have some potential with technical Awards if the visuals help to tell the story.

LARGE BUDGET

HUNGER GAMES - CITIZENS ARE INVITED TO JOIN A GAME IN ORDER TO EARN MONEY AND FAME. KILL BILL - BECAUSE OF THIS ASIAN, ANIME-LIKE ENVIRONMENT, AND THE MARTIAL TECHNIQUE THAT IS ABLE TO KILL A PERSON WITH ONLY ONE TOUCH. DOCTOR STRANGE - AFTER BEING TRAINED BY A MASTER, THE PROTAGONIST BECOMES A POWERFUL MAN.

It's written as a script, and some bizarre/super fantastic features could draw some attention.

The lead characters need further development and more time "on screen" to be presented. Everything happens so fast, and there are so many characters that it's easy to feel lost.

Not a rare gem. It needs improvements, and its narrative is not powerful enough to be a gem.

Film - Streaming, TV Series - Limited Run / Mini-Series, TV Series - Streaming

WORK IN PROGRESS

While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.

I would improve the writing style, the lines, and the actions to make the story more powerful, more punchy. The author has good ideas, interesting visual solutions, but in terms of narrative, the book needs development, it needs to set up a specific goal. We start with the treasure hunt, and then we are thrown in different directions: a fight between gangs, the millenary martial art, the training sessions, and it ends up that we forget about the hunt. It has potential for a franchise, but the characters need to be more complex. We need to know them more to engage more efficiently. The pace has not been used the right way. I understand that an action movie needs a faster pace and quicker scenes, but here we feel lost. It needs to set up things better, introduce characters better, it needs to tell the story in a way we can follow. The premise is nice, but if the hunt is not so important after some pages, it feels that the premise wasn't respected or followed. The structure is too messy, and it needs improvements. Again, the author has good ideas, nice visual solutions, the author creates a fantastic environment that resembles the ones we find in mangas, and the premise, if followed, is engaging, but the storytelling needs development.