Peregrination Book 1: Earth
Submision Type
book
Logline
Seth is chosen to travel through time by way of storms that generate enough power to open portals that lead to other periods, planes, and realms. He and others like him must battle demons, personal struggles, and find people and artifacts that will help them to save mankind from destruction.
Genre
Adventure,Fantasy,Religious,Romance
Short Summary
The evening before the destructive and deadly San Francisco, California, earthquake that leveled the city. The main character, Seth Jager, is a sea captain who now works on tugboats in the San Francisco bay. He stopped traveling the seas to settle down and court a woman named Caroline Palmer.
Setting
Varies because of the time-travel aspect. But begins with the 1906 California earthquake
Based on a True Story
No
Plot - Premise
Overcoming Monster/Villain
Plot - Other Elements
Happy Ending,Meaningful Message
Mature Audience Themes
Information not completed
Main Character Details
Name: Seth Jager
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Role: Logical
Key Traits: Adventurous,Badass,Confident,Honorable,Masculine,Blunt
Additional Character Details
Name: Caroline Palmer
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Role: Emotional
Key Traits: Confident,Decisive,Empathetic,Faithful,Gracious,Educated,Religious,Selfless,Romantic
Additional Character Details
Name: Simon Lane
Age: 53
Gender: Male
Role: mentor
Key Traits: Adventurous,Confident,Complex,Engaging,Empathetic,Faithful,Educated,Honorable,Leader,Outspoken,Strong Moral Code
Additional Character Details
Name: Jason Marshal
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Role: sidekick
Key Traits: Adventurous,Badass,Confident,Decisive,Faithful,Honorable,Leader,Strong Moral Code,Skillful,Outspoken,Religious,Patriotic
Genre
RELIGION, ACTION, FANTASY
Brief
Seth is overjoyed to begin life with his new bride Caroline until they are swallowed by an earthquake. Seth survives only to find himself separated from the love of his life. Seth is rescued in falling through a portal to become a time traveler for God. While he helps complete missions he longs to reunite with Caroline.
Overall Rating
FAIR
Narrative Elements
Authors Writing Style: FAIR
Characterization: FAIR
Commerciality: FAIR
Franchise Potential: EXCELLENT
Pace: FAIR
Premise: GOOD
Structure: FAIR
Theme: FAIR
Accuracy of Book Profile
The development pitch section largely focuses on Caroline's story, however Seth is the protagonist and Caroline seems to be the protagonist is Book 2 rather than Book 1. By focusing the section on Book 1 rather than the series, the section will better match the story and the rest of the profile. Although the preview of Book 2 is a great cliffhanger for the sequel in comparison to Book 1's goal of Seth, having the preview as part of the pitch is not reflective of the majority of the story.
Draw of Story
The tension of the characters' lives about to be changed by the historical 1906 San Fransisco earthquake is palpable and then the resolution that Seth ends up as a time traveler for God is an unexpected twist.
Possible Drawbacks
Much of the male interactions with females are romantic in nature. They do not tend to interact with women unless it is women they are secretly interested in or it is part of the mission. The women are always described respectfully, but given in depth physical descriptions and outfits that do not affect the plot and the male characters are not given. By allowing the women's characters to be shown rather than interpreted by the men and equally representing their appearances only when needed, the women will feel more three dimensional and less dependent on men.
Use of Special Effects
THE STORY RELIES HEAVILY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS
Primary Hook of Story
The hook is that Seth falls into an opening from the earthquake and is transported into a time traveling portal rather than dying. The added notion that he is able to go wherever and whenever he wants with this new ability but can't find his wife is another intriguing conflict.
Fanbase Potential
This could have a fanbase of people who enjoy Christian movies and fantasy. It is a smaller but loyal audience.
Awards Potential
This might have awards potential in the Christian market, but the religious overtones would likely disqualify it from major awards consideration along with being part of the science fiction and fantasy genre.
Envisioned Budget
LARGE BUDGET
Similar Films/TV Series
LEFT BEHIND, ASSASSIN'S CREED, PRINCE OF PERSIA, AVATAR, SERENITY, FIFTH ELEMENT
What’s New About the Story
The concept of peregrination and the use of world building in biblical time travel are unique. Creating room for character development and emotional growth along with a flashy concept will help make the story emotionally memorable.
Lead Characters
Seth is very methodical and upstanding and he is thrust into an unstable lifestyle against his will. His ability to adapt to the unusual circumstances shows he is very open minded. He is the definition of a self-made man which makes him at home in himself wherever he goes.
Uniqueness of Story
The emotional investment can be improved through variations in character dynamics and greater character development in terms of inner conflicts. The external conflict is well established, but aside from hoping for love, the characters have next to no personal goals.
Possible Formats
Film - Studio, Film - Streaming, TV Series - Network, TV Series - Streaming
Analyst Recommendation
WORK IN PROGRESS
Justification
While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.
Tips for Improvement
The differing parallel situations between Caroline and Seth while unknown to each others' characters are a good source of tension that is separated into two books. Knowledge of this as an audience early in the transition of the earthquake would add an emotional stake that is lacking in the time travel element as there would always be a real chance the couple could reunite.