DRAMA

Roy investigates his sister's death. He struggles to figure out what in her life caused her to be murdered. By trying to immerse himself in her life to find the answers, he slowly finds himself drawn to the allures of her lifestyle. Roy slowly becomes his sister; likely to assuage deep-seated childhood neglect and try to gain favor from his ailing mother.

FAIR

THIRD PERSON

Authors Writing Style: FAIR

Characterization: FAIR

Commerciality: FAIR

Franchise Potential: FAIR

Pace: FAIR

Premise: FAIR

Structure: FAIR

Theme: FAIR

The twisted obsession of Roy in solving his sister's murder by becoming her is not fully explored in the logline as their relationship and the extent of his fascination/ dedication is not expressed. The development pitch and summary do add explanation to the narrative that reflects the story, but the pitch could be expanded further by discussing specific themes of the book that make it marketable for the screen.

Roy's obsession with his sister seems to be more with her lifestyle and belongings rather than her as a person. It is an unsettling fixation that automatically creates tension as to where his investigation will lead and how far into her life he will recreate for answers.

While the fixation on women's appearances makes sense later on, there does tend to be greater details in the aesthetics of the scene rather than the motivations of the characters and pace of the plot which can slow down the mystery being solved at times. By giving the characters less purely appearance driven descriptions and more actions that show their personality and physicality the pacing and character development would be strengthened.

THE STORY DOES NOT RELY ON SPECIAL EFFECTS

The hook is that Roy feels he must become his sister in order to find her killer the further down the rabbit hole of her investigation he goes.

With clearer themes and some more developed character arcs this may have a steady audience although due the subject and the historical aspects of the mystery this may not appeal to both liberal or conservative at the same time.

This is unlikely to have awards potential without further insights into the motivations of the side characters and clarification on some of the main characters. Roy's identity shift is nuanced but might be too complicated although he has the most potential to be nominated.

LOW BUDGET

SILENCE OF THE LAMBS, SUNSET BOULEVARD, DEXTER, SOLDIER'S GIRL, MAD MEN, SOME LIKE IT HOT

The originality stems from Roy's relationship with his sister becoming blurred as he investigates her death. This creates tension and sympathy for the protagonist but thematically updating their motivations for more modern concepts of sexuality, fluidity and gender-presenting may add further nuance to the characters and themes.

Roy is hyper-focused, dedicated and slowly finding his rhythm in becoming his true interest. Muriel Roy's mother and many of ad office women are direct, condescending and judgemental. Irmhild was shown to be deceitful but not malicious in her past choices.

This has some fun moments, but the tone is a bit unclear and many of the side characters are static. The connection between Roy and his sister while investigating her murder is definitely memorable, but the themes are hard to follow in such a complicated transition on top of the mystery.

Film: Studio, Indie, Streaming TV Series: Network, Cable, Limited Run / Mini-Series, Streaming Unscripted

WORK IN PROGRESS

While the story has many positive points, it has room for improvement (see possible paths below). If you can't change the story at this point, my suggestion is using your notes as a guide to highlight the best aspects of it when taking the next steps, either putting a pitch page together, a treatment, or a presentation.

Creating inner conflicts and transformations for characters outside of the protagonist will help create more dynamic characters and relationships. The themes surrounding Roy's transformation on top of his investigation could be clarified to be more modern. Less focus on appearances could also help connection plot points in continuous focus and tension.